The holidays can certainly challenge even the most harmonious couple. From purchasing the perfect gifts, to making travel arrangements, to dealing with the in-laws, people get stressed and usually the one who hears and feels your frustrations is your partner; ruining the season of good cheer.
Therefore, it’s important to reflect and discuss together what typically causes arguments between you two during the holidays. Do you have the same tension and arguments every year? How well do you, as a couple, handle these situations? Does one of you take a more aggressive position and “wins out” most of the time, while your partner is brewing inside, unhappy that their desires or wishes aren’t being acknowledged or honored? Oh, the price of being right.
The holidays conjure up our deepest feeling of wanting to be close to our families. If you don’t brush your emotions under the rug with some of the gift wrappings, you’ll find you’ll be able to find solutions to even the most challenging holiday issues for couples and families.
Let’s face it, the holidays are going to return next year and the year after. You have a choice to continue with the struggle and tension or find juicy solutions that nurture your relationship while creating a time with your love ones that you truly cherish.
Let’s explore the top five reasons couples fight during the holidays and ways to snuggle up and transform these challenges.
No. 1: Mother-in-law food fight
To cook the stuffing in the turkey or on the stovetop? Oy vey! Consider, whoever is doing the cooking does it their way. Put the importance on spending time with each other and allow for differences.
No. 2: The money fight
How do you afford the fancy gifts for your kids, each other and the family, the travel and throwing a holiday party?
Sit down together in advance and create a budget that accounts for all of these expenses. Decide how much you’ll spend on each category and open a holiday account to deposit money into each month.
No. 3: Where and with whom to argue
You both feel pulled to spend time with both sides of the family and it feels impossible to please everybody. Discuss the options with your partner and kids, knowing everyone may not get what they want. Yet, find ways to offer preferences to those that maybe didn’t get what they want, by allowing them to choose a special activity or have their seat preference on the plane. This will enable everyone to feel heard and important. If you can’t see everyone, consider planning a Christmas–in-summer celebration.
No. 4: The time fight
So busy working overtime to pay for all the holiday expenses that you hardly see each other. Plan date nights or schedule a weekend get-away in your calendar. This will make you both feel good to make sure you have some “lovers time” in your busy life.
No. 5: The tired fight
When either one of you are exhausted from all the holiday details and travel, it’s often the one we love the most that gets the brunt of our short fuse. If you get angry and snap at your partner for this reason, apologize immediately. Remind each other to take a few deep breaths and explain what you feel pressured about. Sharing your challenges with your lover will cut the stress in half and you’ll probably find a quick solution to whatever is bothering you. Remember to laugh!
