The good character trait “responsibility” is a word that causes many people to cringe when they hear it. “Be responsible!” “It’s your responsibility.” The receptive end is also sometimes uncomfortable, “I’m responsible for you. Do what I say?” When
The good character trait “responsibility” is a word that causes many people to cringe when they hear it. “Be responsible!”
“It’s your responsibility.”
The receptive end is also sometimes uncomfortable, “I’m responsible for you. Do what I say?”
When I first looked up the definition of responsibility and saw five important parts of it, I thought to myself, “Well if I can just explain all these clearly, I’ll have my whole column!” Here they are:
1. “The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.” Parents are responsible for their children. It’s their job to keep them safe, fed, clothed; educated mentally, socially and spiritually; and to teach them how to get their needs met in appropriate ways. But one of the ultimate goals is to help their children learn to be responsible for themselves or even others. Until their children prove that they can be responsible for themselves, the parents assume the responsibility. This leads to definition number …
2. “The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.” Until children are 18 (unless children become emancipated from their parents, which is a legal process that goes through the courts) parents take the rap for their children’s mistakes. If their children damage property, the parents are legally responsibility to replace, repair or pay for it. To teach their children responsibility, they would have their children pay them back for it over time. Beginning early, if the children write on the walls, the children clean it up. If they throw something and it breaks, they pay for the replacement. Parents can also be taken to court if they don’t take responsibility for getting their children to school or home schooled (which can be a lot more costly and difficult). And the goal of parents and the schools is to give youth …
3. “The opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.” Every time a child demonstrates that they have mastered the ability to do a task or make good decisions for their lives, the hearts of their parents and teachers sings. Hopefully they reinforce their children well, because children learn to repeat the behaviors that are rewarded. Acting independently is sometimes complicated. My two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter is very willing to “do it herself,” but can’t do some of the things she wants to do, because she doesn’t really know all that is involved. In learning a task, there may be many parts to it, and you have to know each one and how they fit together. Teachers know this. It’s called “task analysis.” A good teacher breaks down complicated tasks into smaller ones and builds on previous learning to get to the next task.
If I say, “Draw a person,” it might be complicated to a budding artist. But if I say, “We’ll draw a person from the top down, beginning with a head,” it helps. Then the teacher would monitor. Uh oh, the child doesn’t know how to do that. So we break that down, “A head is kind of like a circle. Draw a circle. Look at my face, what do you see?” etc.
To become independent we have to know how to break down tasks into more manageable parts, and consider the consequences of each action. The same is true with making good decisions (“In Your Corner” March 3, 2012). The sooner we figure our that everything we do has consequences, the sooner we learn to make the choices that have the consequences that we want. Making good decisions leads to the consequences we want within …
4. “The moral obligation to behave correctly toward or in respect of (others).” We can’t just go along getting what we want without considering how it affects others, whether they are our immediate family, friends, community, country world or our grandchildren’s world. Morality sometimes defies logic. It is maybe not logical to quit a good job and join a world health organization that pays practically nothing and could put one in danger, but people do it when they are moved by their hearts to make the world better for others who have so much less. A generally good rule to follow is the golden rule, which can be found in the scriptures of all the major world religions. It is generally this: “Treat others the way you want to be treated, and don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want someone to do to you.” This will help you make a lot of friends and also lead you to get good recommendations when you want to apply for your first job, which will cause you to learn many …
5. “Things that one is required to do as part of a job, role, or legal obligation.” When you are hired for a job, you have a specific set of skills and tasks that you need to know, and when to do them. The job description is a good place to start to learn about that job. See if it’s a good fit for what you know how to do. If you are painfully shy, you might not want to be a host or hostess, but if you are a whiz in the kitchen, you could apply for a short order cook position. There are supervisors who coach you, but they will expect you to know the set of skills you said you knew how to do in the interview. I know people who thought they could bluff their way through an interview and learn the skills on the job, but in this day of technology, that is not always true. It would be better to state honestly what you do and don’t know. Tell them you’re a good student, and learn quickly if it’s true, but don’t say you can do something if you really can’t. It’s not responsible (definition No. 4).
So being responsible is a lot easier if we learn to break things down into smaller steps when we need to. And when you have been responsible, it leads to self respect, which really feels good. That’s one of the reasons we take on responsibilities. It helps us get what we want in life. I imagine that many readers got the pet that they wanted when they promised their parents that they’d take care of it. Your parents worked 24 hours a day, seven days a week taking care of a totally dependent baby who never say thanks, because they loved you, and knew that one day you would grow up to be a wonderful person and friend.
You can’t always choose your family, but you can choose your jobs. Do what you love to do, whenever possible. As Mother Teresa put it, “To work without love is slavery.”
• Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i convened a support group of adults in our community to ‘step into the corner’ for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Email questions or concerns facing youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org.
