Me and my chef’s hat

I think there must be magic in the white chef’s hat I wear. Eleven inches high and kind of floppy, it sits atop my platinum mop — I’ll be darned if I’m going to call it gray and I think my hair’s cuter when it’s moppish — and sends signals to that part of my aging brain that is vigorously learning to cook.

But back to the Vitamix. Three switches — whirr, whizz, zing — and a whole bunch of ice cubes. Well I just learned how good water is for you and ice is frozen water, is it not? That works. And if I did a little Irish jig as my darling machine does its job, I get exercise, too. I could try to do yoga but it’s not healthy to stand on your head on a cold tile kitchen floor and impossible to do with a chef’s hat perilously perching. I bet you’ve guessed already that this is not to be a soup day.

But it’s like soup. It’s just cold and brimming with fruit, yogurt, orange juice, and, of course, the magic ingredients; brewer’s yeast and wheat germ.

Well brewer’s yeast is a natural food supplement. It’s rich with minerals — specially chromium-essential trace minerals, selenium, protein and the B-complex vitamins. Don’t confuse it with baker’s yeast. Sometimes it takes awhile to get used to, it’s kind of an acquired taste, but you can speed up the process by adding more honey. You can never overdose. Everything is water-soluble and really works like magic during stressful times, and sometimes, it seems everything today is stressful. Everybody keeps changing the rules.

Wheat germ? It’s a natural weight loss food. ‘Nuff said.

So we’re talking smoothies here. On a hot day? Whew, wow and whoopee.

One, two three. Go. Gather some stuff. Bananas, mangoes, papayas, orange juice, honey, a little olive oil and don’t forget the wheat germ and brewer’s yeast and the ice cubes. Get creative. Remember color. You can make green ones and pink ones and orange ones. Toss in the Vita, dear — I’ve got to give her a name — and whir, whiz, zing-pour. Drink. Or slurp straight from the container. Bad. Bad. Bad. What did Colette say? “Do foolish things with great enthusiasm.”

Know what? Even my grown up puppy loves it. And if you want to get really fancy, you can make margaritas, daiquiris and whiskey sours. Rum and mango daiquiris have a precious aroma.

Yeah, well, sometimes my Irish jig gets too exuberant, my shillelagh holds me up, and my chef’s hat falls off.

I’ve named her Colette. I’ll bet she’d like that.

• Bettejo Dux is the author of “The Scam: A madcap romp through North Shore Kauai,” and a Kalahelo resident.