LIHU‘E — Sometimes people just want to be heard.
Conrad Welti saw the value in listening while serving as a mediator at Kaua‘i Economic Opportunity, which works with people in a variety of interpersonal disputes.
“People are often a mess when they come to court,” he said. “But just listening to them, they settle down. You see this transformation happen. It’s not like the mediator has amazing skills — it’s that they’re being listened to.”
During the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, he joined with fellow mediators Sonia Song, Melody Harringer and his wife Cynthia Welti to form All Ears, an organization that provides free, no-judgment “listening services” to the public.
“We were hearing about people being extra strained,” Conrad Welti said. “And so we decided to just offer the listening part.”
Since then, the listeners have worked with about 80 people. They hold hourlong sessions — in person, by phone or by video call — where clients can talk through their problems. Conrad Welti said some people are able to make big strides working through personal issues, while others use the time to blow off steam. Some become return attendees, booking a listening session every week.
“Even though we’re not therapists, we have been trained to tune in, be attentive, and listen without judgment,” Harringer said. “People sense our neutrality and feel comfortable talking about their situations.”
Occasionally — even for professional mediators — listening without giving input can be a challenge.
“Sometimes when I listen, it’s hard not to give advice or make suggestions,” Song said. “I need to remind myself often just listen, empathize, validate the feelings, give feedback and ask clarifying questions. Then through self-connection people will see the solution in their own hearts.”
Along with serving as a mediator, Song — originally from Beijing, China — was also a volunteer peer counselor at the Beijing LGBT Center.
All listening sessions with All Ears are free and confidential. The process starts with a phone call to schedule a session. Some people just do one or two sessions, while others may do one a week over an extended period.
The All Ears listeners have talked with people in a variety of situations, from relationship issues to housing, family matters, mental health issues, work stress and loneliness.
Faye Newfield, a prior Kaua‘i resident who has been participating in listening services for the past year, was grateful for the services.
“I feel less alone knowing they are there for me to share my needs and concerns. The listening sessions have helped me to identify things I could do to help myself feel more connected to the outside world,” Newfield said. “I have developed a very strong determination to pursue some goals I had set aside.”
All Ears welcomes more clients. Additional information can be found at allearshawaii.org. To make an appointment for a listening session, call 808-320-8487.
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Guthrie Scrimgeour, reporter, can be reached at 808-647-0329 or gscrimgeour@thegardenisland.com.
