Letters for Sept. 6, 2015
Crazier things have happened
2015 news stories we are bound to see at the rate things are going. (All of the following stories are fictional.)
– Spokesperson for Coco Palms Hotel Redevelopment Project announced that the newly renovated hotel will have a new name. “We have decided to call it Massive Gridlock Motel, in the spirit of the times,” stated the spokesperson in a formal press release. “Guests will have the choice of many on-site activities since the likelihood of getting off the property and through traffic is very low.”
– In a related news story, the head of Kauai Waste Disposal frantically stated, “We have no room to put the demolished remains of the former Coco Palms Hotel. Everyone knows that ‘landfill’ is a misnomer. It is actually a huge mountain of trash out there on the west side. Lord knows why those people put up with it in the first place.”
– Elder native Hawaiians issued a proclamation (largely ignored by the press) stating that violating the sacred use of the Coco Palms property can only lead to further decline of the aina.
– Meanwhile, the Kauai County Council spent many days ironing out a new dog barking proposal.
“We are going to hand out free earplugs to anyone who wants them.” stated a Council spokesperson. “These things will never work,” grumbled several members of the public who received their free earplugs.