Last week, the Corner addressed how people who had problems with alcohol consumption could get help through Alcoholics Anonymous at aa.org. This week, we’re helping friends and family members of problem drinkers get support via Al-Anon. Their motto is: Strength
Last week, the Corner addressed how people who had problems with alcohol consumption could get help through Alcoholics Anonymous at aa.org. This week, we’re helping friends and family members of problem drinkers get support via Al-Anon. Their motto is: Strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers.
I went to al-anon.org and found a contact number for Kauai. On the Al-Anon website is a bar. Click “How to find a meeting.” When clicked, the states are listed, and I chose Hawaii. Under Hawaii are phone contacts for each of the major four islands. I found Kapaa, which was the listing for Kauai. The number is 651-8399. I called it and a lovely lady answered the phone and gave me information about where I could go, based on where I live.
The website has lots of information and videos about meetings and how Al-Anon worked for people.
Humans have a tendency to think that they are all alone with their unique set of problems, and in a sense we are, as we interpret them uniquely, but people who drink cause their friends and loved ones to have problems that are common to many problem drinkers’ friends and families. Al-Anon allows people to share their problems and thoughts. No one tells you what you must do.
It’s difficult and sometimes scary living with a person who is drunk. The definition of drunk is to be “affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one’s faculties or behavior.” That means that you don’t know what to expect. Sometimes my dad was a lot of fun. Sometimes he felt sorry for himself and sometimes he was mean. It’s tense to be a child living with that kind of stress. A problem drinker is not in his or her real mind and it helps to remember that when behavior is hurtful to you.
Drunks can fall and have accidents. They may want you to get in the car with them to go somewhere, and be too drunk to drive and be safe. They may lie to cover up their drinking. What will happen next?
Another thing is that they blame everyone else for their problems. If you have an alcoholic parent, it isn’t your fault.
Knowledge is power. Al-Anon can help you sort things out in your mind, by listening to other peoples’ stories and asking questions. While teens about 15 and older can go to an all ages Al-Anon meeting, There are also Alateen meetings. These are for teenagers, and even kids as young as 11.
While there are no current Alateen groups on Kauai, teens would be able to start their own group. There must be two Al-Anon members who are certified to run the group to sponsor the group. The sponsors don’t decide how the meeting is run. The kids do from the guidelines given. Historically, Alateen groups that formed because kids had a need, and wanted to lean from them do better than Alateen groups that are formed by adults who know that children would be really helped by the groups. Call the lovely lady at 651-8399.
Remember that these meetings are anonymous. You don’t have to give your name. Here’s what you might expect at a meeting from the al-anon.org website:
• Al-Anon is a mutual support group. Everyone at the meeting shares as an equal. No one is in a position to give advice or direction to anyone else. Everyone at the meeting has experienced a problem with someone else’s drinking.
• You are free to ask questions or to talk about your situation at your first meeting. If you’d rather just listen, you can say “I pass,” or explain that you’d just like to listen.
• Every meeting is different. Each meeting has the autonomy to be run as its members choose, within guidelines designed to promote AlAnon unity. AlAnon recommends that you try at least six different meetings before you decide if AlAnon will be helpful to you.
• Al-Anon is not a religious program. Even when the meeting is held in a religious center, the local Al-Anon group pays rent to that center and is not affiliated in any way with any religious group. Your religious beliefs — or lack of them — are not a subject for discussion at Al-Anon meetings, which focus solely on coping with the effects of someone’s drinking.
Another handout, called, “Alateen Do’s and Don’ts” gives some helpful hints for living with an alcoholic. Some of the “do’s” for Alateens are: “Do remember you are not the only one with an alcoholic parent.” “Do learn all you can about alcoholism, a family disease.” “Do be honest with yourself and others.” “Do use your talents in ways that interest you.”
Here are some don’ts: “Don’t cover up for the alcoholic and take on responsibilities other than your own.” “Don’t try to make the alcoholic stop drinking-you can’t.” “Don’t argue with an active alcoholic.” “Don’t take it personally when the alcoholic blames you for drinking-any excuse will do.”
These may help you, but remember that any time we choose to change our behavior, the patterns of doing things, it is hard. It helps to have a support system. That is what an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting may offer you. Take care of yourself. You matter.
• Hale Opio Kauai convened a support group of adults in our Kauai community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org
