A few weeks ago a family counselor on Kaua‘i asked me to address this subject. She had been talking with a minister on the island, and both were very concerned that there had been some suicides of homosexual teens on
A few weeks ago a family counselor on Kaua‘i asked me to address this subject. She had been talking with a minister on the island, and both were very concerned that there had been some suicides of homosexual teens on Kaua‘i due to their perceived unacceptance because they were gay. The counselor and Christian minister had difficulty understanding where this prejudice came from, and wanted support to be offered to the homosexual population.
Where does prejudice come from? Its very definition means to pre-judge. If I have prejudice against you, I have pre-judged you before I’ve even known anything about you. It’s not intelligent. Judging itself comes from thinking, and thinking requires that there be facts. So to judge a person without knowing the facts about a person is not intelligent. People like to make sweeping statements about one ethnicity, or group expression, but it isn’t wise. In the beginning of the last century, IQ tests showed that African Americans had lower scores than Caucasians. So people thought they were inferior. But it turns out that the tests they were using were based upon “Caucasian” knowledge. When they adjusted their testing questions, they found out that there was equality. We as a nation have benefited from the collective wisdom of many races and many cultures.
Dear gay friends, can you understand that people cannot judge you based on your sexual preference? Please find strength in that. Who you are is so far beyond your sexual orientation. The minister who requested this article was concerned that since the true Hawaiian culture has been accepting of gays that it might have been something that the western Christian culture is teaching. It is not my intent to start any kind of religious persuasion, but I have read the gospels many times. They are the first four books in the New Testament that tell the story of Jesus and his teachings. Not once does he single out gays as not worthy. In fact when questioned about the greatest commandment of the ten commandments, he replied, “Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment, and the second like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these,” (Mark 12:29-31). So Christians were mandated by Jesus to love everyone.
I was also sent a website from the counselor that addresses this issue for Christians, that I will pass on to you for further reading: http//religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/19/my-take-the-christian-case-for-gay-
marriage.
I found an excellent website from the “Kaua‘i County Network of Care” that speaks about how important it is for gay youth to feel supported. I’ve cut and pasted some of it here, but I recommend that you read it all. The website is http://kauaicounty.hi.networkofcare.org/mh/library/article.aspx?hwid=te7288.
“Young people who are gay or lesbian are at risk for:
•Being shamed by society (social stigma)
•Being shut out or excluded by peers and family members
•Depression
•Suicide
When teens have problems related to being gay or lesbian, it isn’t because of their sexual orientation. It’s usually because of a lack of support from those they love or because they experience ridicule, rejection, or harassment.” LaVerne Bishop, executive director of Hale ‘Opio, also wanted me to share that there is a new chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families & Fries of Lesbians and Gays) on Kaua‘i. It meets on meets the first Tuesday of every month at St. Michaels Church in Lihu‘e in the “Zone Room” from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. for planning and then for a social get together from 6:30 p.m.
It is wonderful to be with people who have the same situation that we have. I attended support groups for parents of special needs children, and was helped by their understanding and support and ideas of how I could best help my daughter. My son was helped immeasurably by an AA group on Kaua‘i. I would personally recommend that parents and friends and families of gays who have questions about how to best support their beautiful children go to this group. They can be reached at Pflagkauai@gmail.com or at 634-0127.
Sometimes children think that they are alone with a problem. I would like to mention that when I Googled “being a gay teenager,” more than 3.7 million hits came up. You are hardly alone! I would recommend that you be gender specific, as lesbian teenager or male gay teenager. Read up. Empower yourselves, and remember that sexual preference is just a minor part of yourself. You are a being with a mind, heart and life that will make a wonderful contribution to our world if you so choose.
The last word is that anyone who treats others unkindly has personal issues that are unresolved within themselves. It may be a fear that is based on not enough knowledge. They need love and understanding. If they harass you, they are not really upset with you at all. Happy well-adjusted people are too busy spreading their love and joy around. Bullies are hurting. Now you do have the law on your side. Harassment is a crime, although your ability to love and forgive a cruel person may have more of an affect on them than calling the cops. But if you feel your life is in danger, call 911. May you find peace, and know that you are not alone. Use your community resources. Use the Web. Feel well.
• Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i convened a support group of adults in our community to ‘step into the corner’ for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Email questions or concerns facing youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org.
