Since birds have become such a hot topic on Kaua‘i for quite some time and specifically over the past year, it seemed a tragic, but fitting occurrence this week when thousands of birds fell from the sky on different continents
Since birds have become such a hot topic on Kaua‘i for quite some time and specifically over the past year, it seemed a tragic, but fitting occurrence this week when thousands of birds fell from the sky on different continents across the globe.
Dead.
Apparently in places as completely unrelated as rural Arkansas and metropolitan Sweden, birds just up and fell lifeless from their typical flight patterns in one final, unified act to completely terrify human beings.
It worked.
In this very space that you are currently enjoying (hopefully), I used to write a column entitled “I watch so you don’t have to,” in which I would watch terrible movies and then make (hopefully) humorous observations and anecdotes to give you the feeling of being there, without actually having to be there.
One of the movies I watched was “The Core.” It was a sci-fi thriller with an arguably star-studded cast that was about the earth’s core failing to rotate, throwing off the planet’s electromagnetism, which would eventually lead to the death of all species.
One of the first results of the rotation stoppage was birds falling dead from the sky, due to their navigation abilities being completely wiped out.
The same type of phenomenon occurred on the short-lived TV show, “FlashForward.”
Or so I read, because I never actually watched that show. Much like “The Event,” it appeared a little too intent on trying to be the next “LOST,” which is a show too near and dear to my heart for me to cheat on with some knockoff.
But anyway, it’s obviously silly to look at either of these forms of entertainment as the root cause for these mysterious bird deaths. A Hillary Swank movie and an ABC drama? That’s obviously illogical.
No, the true answer clearly must come from M. Knight Shyamalan.
Between his smash hit, “The Sixth Sense” and the series of duds he has put out in recent (and not so recent) years, he made “Signs.”
In that Mel Gibson film — before the fan-favorite became Hollywood kryptonite — aliens approach and eventually invade our dear planet. Their highly-advanced space crafts are somehow invisible in our atmosphere, which we become aware of when birds fly into their forcefields and fall to the ground.
Bingo.
Personally, I do believe that extraterrestrials exist. It seems to me that thinking otherwise lies somewhere between naive and narcissistic. I also think that their presence on our planet might be far greater than we realize.
Of course, I may just want to think this way because it’s fun or interesting or mysterious, but that’s fine, as well.
So the moment I heard about mass bird deaths, I thought little about stadium lights and plenty about potential visitors. Could this be “them” letting us know that they are here? Granted, if it is, it’s a pretty awful way to do so.
It would be like throwing a rock through your friend’s window with a note attached that says “I stopped by. You weren’t here.”
But just maybe, the birds were an involuntary act. Like in “Signs,” perhaps they just flew into a forcefield and the aliens let out a collective, “oops.”
Again, probably unlikely. You don’t park a Hummer in a compact-only parking space for that very reason.
In recent days, various organizations have tried to take away all of our fun by talking about how toxic fireworks were likely to blame, how common these mass deaths are and how the instant communication of the internet just makes them feel connected and overblown.
It actually all makes sense. They cited a huge number of different occurrences in recent years of blackbirds, fish, ducks, reptiles, all falling victim to high-volume fatalities for completely logical reasons.
… But isn’t that just what they would say?
Next week: Instructions on making your own tin-foil hats.
