Intimate-partner violence, more commonly known as domestic violence (DV), involves the suffering of one partner under the control and abuse of another. Women are most often subjected to verbal, mental, sexual and physical abuse by their male partners, but obviously
Intimate-partner violence, more commonly known as domestic violence (DV), involves the suffering of one partner under the control and abuse of another. Women are most often subjected to verbal, mental, sexual and physical abuse by their male partners, but obviously DV extends to same-sex partners and women who abuse their male partners.
The National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control estimates about 25 percent of all women and 8 percent of all men become victims of DV during their lifetime. Of all the murders of females in the United States in 2002, family members were responsible for 43 percent. We as a community have a serious public-health problem on our hands.
What about the children? Research demonstrates that exposure to violence can have serious negative effects on children’s development. Witnessing parental violence is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults and 30 percent to 60 percent of perpetrators of intimate-partner violence also abuse children.
In the past year, Hawai‘i has seen its share of DV incidents including nine deaths. We all know too well that the islands are not immune to such atrocities. In fact, given the current economic climate, the stressors it places on the family and the cuts in state and federally funded resources, it can easily be argued that Kaua‘i in particular is especially vulnerable.
There is social stigma associated with DV. Many individuals will not discuss the abuse they experience at home, for fear that “everyone will know their business” through the “coconut wireless.” Many of us deny the results of domestic violence, allowing our families to suffer in silence rather than address the abuses going on in our homes. From a sense of shame, we minimize the abuse and its impact on ourselves, our children and other family members.
Healing cannot begin until abuse is identified. We need to get beyond our individual fears and have the courage to look at our relationships.
Here are some warning signs of domestic abuse that may lead to violence:
— Your partner exerts a tremendous amount of control;
— Your partner engages in verbal abuse;
— One partner demonstrates a pattern of lack of respect for the other.
People who are being abused may:
— Feel unhappy and trapped;
— Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner;
— Go along with everything their partner says and does;
— Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing;
— Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner;
— Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy or possessiveness.
Abuse can come in many forms along a wide spectrum of severity. It is still abuse if:
— The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse;
— The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he/she will continue to physically assault you;
— The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted;
— There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to understand.
Keep our island healthy by taking care of yourself or a loved one by making sure they get the encouragement and resources they need if they are suffering in a DV relationship. Serve as a model to your children and stop the cycle of violence by getting help, especially if you are the abuser. Your health and the health of our community depend on it.
In order to bring intimate-partner violence out of the darkness of secrecy and into the light, the YWCA of Kaua‘i provides essential services to victims of abuse with a 24-hour crisis hotline and family-violence shelter. Additional YWCA programs that address violence include ongoing alternatives-to-violence counseling and sexual-assault treatment. Prevention programs are also offered in the schools and through a network of community organizations.
The YWCA of Kaua‘i invites you to take a stand against IPV during the National YWCA Annual Week Without Violence (Oct. 17-23). Silent Witness exhibits will be available for viewing at the State Building, Kaua‘i Community College Learning Resource Center (library) and county Department of Finance Motor Vehicle Registration lobby. Please support victims of violence at the YWCA Annual Candlelight Vigil at St. Michael & All Angels’ Episcopal Church (Hardy and ‘Umi streets in Lihu‘e) from 5 to 7 p.m. on Oct. 20. For more information on services, call the YWCA at 245-5959 or call 245-6362 for crisis services.
• Kaua‘i resident Dr. Kat Scarbo wrote this column for The Garden Island on behalf of the YWCA of Kaua‘i.
