When a beloved pet dies, our grief can be monumental. It might feel like the loss of joy, unconditional love and forgiveness we felt in their company leaves a hole in our hearts that won’t be filled for a long
When a beloved pet dies, our grief can be monumental. It might feel like the loss of joy, unconditional love and forgiveness we felt in their company leaves a hole in our hearts that won’t be filled for a long time.
After the death of a cherished pet, fatigue may set in and even the smallest tasks may take great effort. Showing up for work may be difficult and going through the motions may be the best we can do for awhile.
We may avoid going home, knowing our beloved pet will not be there to greet us. All these are common experiences for someone grieving the death of a beloved pet.
Help and understanding are available at monthly meetings of the Kaua‘i Humane Society and Kaua‘i Hospice’s Pet Loss Support Group, held from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. on the first Thursday of each month at the Kaua‘i Hospice office in Lihu‘e.
Meetings are free and confidential.
Support group meetings are open to people who have experienced the death of any type of animal: dogs, cats, birds, bunnies, etc. Stories, handouts and empathy are shared in a quiet environment — and often laughs, too, while recalling favorite pet antics.
“Once you start talking about how your pet’s death has affected you, you begin to grieve and feel better afterwards. It’s keeping it in that’s really hard,” said Caroline Miura, spiritual care and bereavement coordinator for Kaua‘i Hospice, who will facilitate the support group meetings.
Sharing your grief with others who know what you are going through can help you feel like you’re still normal, despite feelings to the contrary, Miura said.
“The opportunity to get it out and share your experience tends to be healing because grief can be isolating” when you’re dealing with it on your own, Miura said.
By sharing with others, “you learn how to live with it. One of the gentlest ways to get through that journey is to talk about it.”
Miura said one of the challenges of grieving over the death of an animal is that others often are unaware that you are coping with an emotional trauma. The process is called disenfranchised grief.
“You’re not outwardly grieving,” she said, so people don’t know what you are going through.
It can be helpful to bring your pet’s picture or collar with you when you’re out of your home, “like a talisman you can touch and feel better,” Miura said. “One woman keeps her pet’s collar in her purse. She finds this helpful, and other people carry photos of their animals with them.”
During support group meetings, sharing photos, memories or toys with others can be powerful.
“It helps you get through your grief by memorializing, accepting, experiencing pain, then adjusting to world without your loved one there,” she said.
Miura recommends finding an outlet for one’s sadness, whether from loss of a pet, dying family member or other difficult event.
“If you can do something creative, like making a collage of animal photos, planting a tree, writing about your loved one, playing that person or pet’s favorite music on your iPod or on your car stereo, any type of movement and resting more, it all helps,” Miura said.
“Sadness can be exhausting. It’s the internal mind-body-spirit stuff that it’s taking to process the change.”
Miura said knowing the gifts that our animals gave us will remain alive in our hearts helps ease the pain. “When you remember your enduring connection, you can continue to face the world a new way.”
Find comfort in remembering the joy your beloved pet gave youduring monthly pet loss support group meetings held from 5:30 to7:30 p.m. at Kaua‘i Hospice on the first Thursday of each month.Upcoming meetings are Sept. 2, Oct. 7, Nov. 4 and Dec. 2.Facilitated by Spiritual Care and Bereavement Coordinator CarolineMiura. Light refreshments. 245-7277 ext. 22.
