DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with one of my church friends, and it just doesn’t make sense to me. I told her that I had started to give my son an allowance. He is 7. And I want him to learn about money. She told me that I was being irresponsible because he’s far too young to be handling money, plus she thinks kids shouldn’t be given allowances. They should just do whatever chores you give them and shut their mouths. I already knew this woman was conservative. But I don’t agree with her. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder, as if I made some horrible error. I just started giving my son an allowance. How should I deal with her?
— Cindy, Palm Bay, Fla.
Dear Cindy: The way you choose to parent your child is your prerogative. People do have different opinions about allowances, whether to give them to children, when and how much. They also question why for the reason your friend mentioned, often arguing that children, as members of the family, should do chores just because. But I didn’t read your philosophy on chores and allowance, so I don’t know where you stand on that.
I can say that I believe it’s smart to teach children about money, saving and investing early on. We live in a consumption culture. Children mostly see their parents spending money — getting it out of ATMs and using it to pay for things. They don’t naturally see mom and dad depositing money in the bank or putting it into other savings instruments. So you can use this allowance as an opportunity to teach your son about the value of money and how it takes a long time to earn it.
Furthermore, you must remember that not everyone will share your values, even someone at your church. Therefore, as far as your friend is concerned, don’t give the situation any more energy. You are managing your family. If she can’t respect that, let it be her problem. Stay focused on your son, and teach him how to become a responsible person.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband lost his job last year, and we have had to make a lot of cutbacks as a result. About a month ago, we shut off our home phone and decided to use our cell phones, because that’s what we use mostly anyway. My mother is upset with me. She thinks everyone should have a landline. She doesn’t understand the big picture, because I didn’t tell her about my husband’s layoff. I didn’t want to worry her. I don’t know what to do.
— Brenda, Jackson, Miss.
Dear Brenda: It’s probably time to tell the truth. You can cast it as positively as possible. The truth is that your mother is worrying about you anyway because she can tell something is wrong. She may just have some wisdom for you if you choose to share your reality with her.
• Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is the acting editor in chief of Ebony magazine. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016.
