DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so happy when I saw that a big girl was in a movie, and even got nominated for an Oscar, because I’m big just like her. But I’m not like that woman. I have a hard
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so happy when I saw that a big girl was in a movie, and even got nominated for an Oscar, because I’m big just like her. But I’m not like that woman. I have a hard time in school because I’m kind of shy. Whenever I do talk, some kids laugh at me and they are generally just mean. I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt because other people are so mean about how I look. I’m trying to get healthy, but it’s not really happening now. I think a part of it is that, no matter what I do, the kids and even my neighbors are so mean to me. I want to be better, and I want people to leave me alone.
— Mabel, Chicago, Ill.
Dear Mabel: It’s great that you had the courage to write to me and speak of your pain. It can be extremely difficult to navigate your life when you feel that people are being unkind to you on a consistent basis — for any reason. When the reason is the way that you look, naturally you would want to be invisible. As you point out with Oscar nominee Gabourey Sidibe, it is possible to excel even when you are overweight. I had the good fortune of working with her recently for an Ebony cover shoot, and she was wonderful. She is an extraordinarily self-confident woman who made the choice to feel comfortable in her own skin. She admitted that when she was younger, children used to be cruel to her, and it affected her psyche. But one day, she decided to change her course and embrace herself as she is.
Her self-embrace led to self-confidence, which has set her on a professional course of success. And hopefully, she will tend to her physical being better over time. The same can be true for you. As you are, you are worthy of love and respect. As you are, you are capable of leading an uplifting happy life. When you adopt a positive attitude about the possibility in your life, it becomes easier to change, too.
For yourself, go to the doctor and get a physical. Ask at school or get your mom to help you set it up. Get the medical support you need to eat better and exercise so that you can be the best you yet. And spiritually, do your best to identify one or two people who are kind to you. Seek them out as friends, and try to ignore the taunters. There will always be someone who will be critical of you. That’s life. It can be harder for large people, because some believe they are fair game. Ignore them, and focus on you. You are worth it.
Dear Readers: I would like to hear from you on this topic. If you or someone you love has been taunted by others because of the way you look, tell us about it and how you handled it.
• Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is the acting editor in chief of Ebony magazine. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016.
