Dog Snatched: Jessica Simpson has put up reward posters all around her neighborhood asking for the return of her toy Maltese poodle which was reportedly snatched right in front of her by a coyote. Now everyone’s aware that Jessica Simpson
Dog Snatched: Jessica Simpson has put up reward posters all around her neighborhood asking for the return of her toy Maltese poodle which was reportedly snatched right in front of her by a coyote. Now everyone’s aware that Jessica Simpson isn’t exactly the brightest person who’s ever walked the planet, but I think someone to ought to mention to her that coyotes aren’t known to spend a lot of time reading notices posted in local neighborhoods and its pretty unlikely that a coyote could be swayed to give up a meal by the promise of reward money.
More Books?: Reports are circulating that Jurassic Park author Michael Crichton, who passed away last November, will have two more books coming out later this year or next. It makes you wonder how he can still put out more books when he’s dead? Then it occurred to me, he must have a ghost writer.
Crazy Field Trips: Authorities in the state of Washington have recaptured a criminally insane killer who escaped while on a field trip to a county fair. What a terrific idea, taking a criminally insane killer on a field trip to a county fair! And while you’re at it, why not add to the fun by taking Osama Bin Laden on a tour of US Defense facilities or perhaps inviting Roman Polanski to visit a local day care center?
Fish of the Day: Went to a north shore restaurant where the waiter told me that the fish-of-the-day was Gray Snapper. Now everyone’s heard of Red Snapper, but what the hell is Gray Snapper? A Snapper who’s hit middle age? And will the makers of “Just for Men” soon be coming out with a “Just for Snapper?”
New Saxophone: A girl I know who is a musician called the other day to tell me she had just gotten a new saxophone and then played it for me over the phone. Afterwards, I thought, did I just have phone sax?
Six Flags: Amusement Park operator Six Flags has filed for bankruptcy. The corporation says will now go by the name “Six White Flags.” During the bankruptcy hearing, company officials admitted that their policy of accepting customer IOU’s for admittance to rides probably was a big mistake.
Smelly Commuters: The Honolulu City Council has dropped plans to ban smelly persons from public transit vehicles. The council decided that the law wasn’t really needed because not that many politicians ride public transportation anyway.
Bad Investment: Actor Tom Selleck has been awarded more than $187,000 after a California jury found the actor was duped into buying a lame horse with a medical condition rendering it unfit to ride. Not known for his savvy investing, Selleck also reportedly lost a bundle after investing in a herd of lactose intolerant cows.
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com.
