When school restarts each fall, one of the common difficulties experienced by most families is the need to reorganize their daily schedules to accommodate the numerous activities and new individual schedule requirements for each of the adults and children in
When school restarts each fall, one of the common difficulties experienced by most families is the need to reorganize their daily schedules to accommodate the numerous activities and new individual schedule requirements for each of the adults and children in the family.
As with any change, there is a period of adjustment to be expected while everyone gets used to being back on the “school” schedule, including getting everyone up early enough in the morning to eat breakfast and be ready to get to school on time. That, in itself, can be extremely trying, kind of like herding cats, depending on the number of children in your family.
Besides getting everyone out of bed, fully dressed and fed breakfast, lunches have to be made or you need to have enough change for school lunches. What parent has change ready for their kids’ lunches when they jump out of the car as you are dropping them off for school or they are running out the door to catch their bus?
Another huge challenge comes after school, as your children sign up for after-school activities requiring that you, the parent, must provide transportation both to and from the activity or practice. And all this occurs when you are getting off work, trying to prepare dinner or trying to have everyone eat dinner. So starts the merry-go-round of hectic schedules we accept as part of being a “good parent” during the school year.
May I suggest that your first rule is to strive for sanity — and I mean yours, of course. I know you want to be a “good parent,” but you will not be good for anything if you go stark raving mad trying to keep track of the new schedules that suddenly become the new required family routine.
First of all, remember to breathe. Take a few deep breaths as you walk down the hall to awaken your children (or your spouse), and again when you repeatedly remind them to hurry up or they will miss their bus or ride. Also remember to take a few deep breaths as you drive everyone to school, dodging traffic and those huge yellow kid-mobiles that have suddenly taken over the roads, again.
Your sanity really is critical to helping everyone in your family adjust to all the changes in their lives that each new school year brings. Take time for yourself, even if it is five minutes as you drive to work to enjoy the beautiful blue skies, lush green trees, and colorful flowers of Kaua‘i that we all love but often do not notice as we whiz around on our busy, hectic days.
One key strategy to help your children adjust to the new demands in their lives is to set a predictable daily routine. Routines provide a sense of reassurance to children of all ages. They know what to expect and can predict what will happen when. As boring as this may sound, it is amazing how calming routines are for our youth. Studies have repeatedly shown how anxious and stressed children become when their lives are not predictable enough.
Time must be set aside each day for all children to do assigned school work. If they “have no homework,” then have each child read for 30 minutes in an age-appropriate book that you approve. Even better, you can sit down and read with them. What a great time to connect with your child and help them feel special. That time together also gives you an opportunity to ask your child how their day went. Kids love to tell you, if they think you really want to know. You’d be surprised how much closer you will feel with your children if you spend even 15 minutes each evening letting them unwind with you.
Having a set bedtime helps to regulate evening activities and insure adequate time for rejuvenating sleep. It also insures parents can have time alone to reconnect after their hectic day or to just relax. That being said, actual bedtimes are dependent on the age of each child or youth and how much sleep they need to function well.
Another key factor to keeping your sanity is to be reasonable. If I am rigid in my actions and reactions to my kids, the more unreasonable I become. I am not suggesting you allow all your decisions be open to negotiation. But I am suggesting you try to be aware of why you may decide to send your 13 year old to bed at 6 p.m. after an extremely ugly verbal fight. Ordinarily, this would appear unreasonable, but given the circumstances, this decision will provide to both of you a very welcome break from each other.
Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of a very unreasonable demand or decision. I have decided it is okay to stop in mid-sentence when I realize the insanity of what I am going to say and change my mind and my sentence. As I get older, I have also decided it is okay to change my mind after I have made an unreasonable decision. Teens love it when a parent goes back and either modifies a clearly unreasonable punishment or apologizes for being wrong.
So, good luck with your new school year. Remember to breathe deeply, take one day at a time, and don’t forget to have fun with and enjoy spending time with your children.
Questions? A support group of adults in our Kaua’i community have “stepped into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please e-mail your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to LaVerne Bishop, Program Director of Hale ‘Opio, at lbishop@haleopio.org. Mary Navarro, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is executive director of Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i Inc.
