Benefits of the Treadmill: Exercise physiologists have concluded that the best piece of exercise equipment in the gym for cardiovascular fitness is the treadmill. And to think we laughed at the hamsters for all these years.
Tornado Strikes Hoover Vacuum Factory: Tornados struck Hoover’s manufacturing facilities in North Canton, Ohio, doing severe damage to several of its buildings. I guess that proves the old adage that “nature abhors a vacuum.”
Michael Jackson Ceremony: Watched the Michael Jackson memorial and found it very moving. Now I don’t know if he was guilty of the alleged child abuse or not, but I always said that if he was, he should have sought counsel with someone who has experience in that arena, such as a Catholic Priest.
Suicide Bomber: An Iraqi woman was seen on Jordanian television wearing the suicide belt which was full of explosives that she attempted to set off at a wedding party but wouldn’t detonate. Now that’s what I call a real “wardrobe malfunction!”
Don’t Date Someone You Meet at a Furniture Store: Met a very pretty girl while shopping at Otsuka’s furniture store several weeks ago. We had a few nice dates, but in the end, it didn’t work out. She was looking for a long term relationship and I was just looking for one night stand.
Helicopter Tour: Finally got around to taking one of those helicopter tours of our beautiful island and have to say that the trip was quite exhilarating. And the trip became even more fun after the pilot sobered up.
Hunger is a Good Thing?: Cynthia Davis, a Republican State Representative in Missouri, said she opposed subsidizing school lunches for low income children during the summer months because “hunger can be a positive motivator.” Good thing, because come next election, she may be forced to eat her words.
Snail Consumption: Culinary experts say that the French love snails and eat approximately 500,000,000 per year. Officials worry that should there be a snail shortage, people may slug it out.
Large Dead Zone: A ship is replacing ten defunct ocean buoys which are part of the Pacific Tsunami system after scientists noticed there is a “large dead zone” out in the Pacific. After further analysis, it turned out that the large “dead zone” actually represents hotel occupancy in Hawai‘i.
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com
