I have now written ten obituaries: My daddy’s, brother’s, mother’s, close friends and co-workers. I love to write — even under the pressure of a deadline. However, writing someone’s obituary under a “deadline” (pardon the pun) can be stressful —
I have now written ten obituaries: My daddy’s, brother’s, mother’s, close friends and co-workers. I love to write — even under the pressure of a deadline. However, writing someone’s obituary under a “deadline” (pardon the pun) can be stressful — especially as it relates to assuring completeness and accuracy.
Both of my parents grew up in a Tennessee orphanage in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains, so their lineage was questionable at best. When I wrote my Daddy’s obituary, the name I thought was his father’s was incorrect. When I wrote my brother’s and mother’s obituary, I forgot to place them in some very important newspapers. When I wrote a co-worker’s obituary I did not know names of siblings.
Last year I created a bucket list and on it wrote, “write my own obituary.” If you haven’t seen the film “The Bucket List” I strongly recommend it. The story is about two men who barely share the same world until they share a hospital room as terminally ill patients. They discover common ground: A desire to spend the time they have left doing everything they ever wanted to do before they “kick the bucket.” This movie sends the message that we can’t wait to start living — life is happening right now.
There are many things in life that are out of our hands. Being able to plan ahead and cope with end-of-life decisions before the end-of-life is an area where we can maintain control. Talking about it with your friends and family can make their task of fulfilling your wishes easier to bear.
It has been a year since I put “write my own obituary” on my bucket list and I still have not done it. I also have another confession and am somewhat ashamed to say that I have not completed my living will. Here I sit, the executive director of Kaua‘i Hospice, as someone who wants to set a good example for good end-of-life planning. Yet I am not a good example.
Today I am going to take home and complete a “Five Wishes” booklet from Kaua‘i Hospice. It covers: Person I want to make care decisions for me when I can’t; type of medical treatment I want or don’t want; how comfortable I want to be; how I want people to treat me; what I want my loved ones to know.
Then I will sit down and complete the “Five Wishes” booklet and talk about it with my husband. And I promise as you read this, I will have written my obituary. It will read “Lori Jordan Miller died at the age of ______ on ___________. Preceded in death by . . . Survivors include . . .” Then I will write what I want people to know about me and end with an invitation to a celebration of life that I will have pre-planned so that those who love me will assure there will be my favorite music but no carnations.
What are your end-of life wishes? Have you talked about it? Let’s talk about it. Should you want additional information or to request a copy of the “Five Wishes” for $5, contact Kaua‘i Hospice at 245-7277.
Let’s Talk About It is a cooperative project between Kaua‘i Hospice, Malama Pono and the YWCA of Kaua‘i aimed at addressing stigma and fear associated with the issues these agencies handle: life-limiting illnesses, death, racism, domestic violence and sexual assault.
• Lori Miller is executive director of Kaua‘i Hospice and you’ll have to ask her if she filled out the “Five Wishes” booklet.
