Emotional intelligence is a concept made popular by Daniel Goleman in his books with various titles about the subject of emotional and social intelligence. One definition of emotional intelligence describes it as the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize,
Emotional intelligence is a concept made popular by Daniel Goleman in his books with various titles about the subject of emotional and social intelligence.
One definition of emotional intelligence describes it as the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, describe, identify, learn from, manage, understand and explain emotions.
Also, emotional intelligence represents an ability to validly reason with emotions and use emotions to enhance thought.
For various reasons, people with high emotional intelligence tend to be more successful in life even if their IQ is average. According to research cited on Teachingexpertise.com, kids who achieved higher emotional intelligence score exhibited: fewer negative behaviors and emotions at school; less problems with their peers; less likely to pick on or bully their peers; were rated by their teachers as being considerate of others’ feelings; sharing with other children; being king to younger children; helpful to someone if they are hurt and volunteering to help others.
Possessing a high level of emotional intelligence will ensure your children a happy, successful and responsible life when they become adults. Below are ways to help your kids develop a high degree of emotional intelligence according to Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC.
• Model the trait. Your children are watching and learning from your behavior. Model for them good emotional intelligence by being aware of your emotions and others, being able to identify your emotions, and being able to appropriate cope with your feelings.
• Say “no” to your child. Giving in to all of your kids demands may be your way of showing them you love them; but it may not be the best thing for them. Kids need to learn to deal with feelings of disappointment and frustration that come from having their requests denied. The ones that always get what they want are not necessarily the happiest kids.
• Practice your skill at being nonjudgmental. Start naming feelings instead of name-calling. Saying “he seems upset” rather than “he’s such an idiot” shows nonjudgment. When your child is crying, saying to him “you seem frustrated” is more helpful than telling him “to stop being a baby.”
• Start coaching your kids. Beyond the toddler years, kids can begin learning to be more responsible. Instead of “take off your slippers”, you can ask “what do you need to do before stepping inside the house?” Always telling your child what to do robs them of the chance to develop responsibility, confidence and self-esteem.
• Get you kids involved in household duties at an early age. Research shows that kids who are involved in household chores from an early age tend to be happier and more successful because they feel that they are an important , valuable and contributing part of the family.
• Limit your kids’ access to mass media. Spending time in front a TV, computer or video game screen cannot teach kids what free play can. Being active at play develops creativity and problem-solving skills.
• Talk about feelings as a family. Set emotional rules within your family. They can be rules such as no yelling, no name-calling, and be respectful at all times. Have frequent family talks where you as parents can teach the kids appropriate alternatives to the above behavior.
• See your kids as wonderful. The best way to enhance something in your child is to see them as wonderful and capable beings. What you think about, you help to create. If you see your child as wonderful, you will get a lot of “wonderful”, not perfection, but wonderful. If you see your child as a problem, you will get a lot of problems. Also, set goals for child in the affirmative. This means to frame things in the positive. “I will teach him to be respectful of others” instead of “I want him to stop bullying the other kids.”
Emotional intelligence is a relatively new term describing something that we all know about and want to help develop in our children, the skills to understand and properly navigate their own and others’ emotions.
• Tram Vuong Meadows is the Therapeutic Foster Home Program Therapist for Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i. She can be reached at tmeadows@haleopio.org, or Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i Inc., 2959 Umi St., Lihu‘e, HI 96766.
