Letters for Friday, November 9, 2007

• Elitist calling an elitist ‘elitist’

• Abuse happens on many levels

• Chief’s new deputy

• It’s not a highway

Elitist calling an elitist ‘elitist’

One only has to look at the houses RS Weir builds to see what side of the fence he stands on. If he had his way every open space would be for him to build his multi-million dollar homes. He speaks of “regurgitated stale breath” in his letter (“Stale Island Breath,” Letters, Nov. 8) and continues to to write the same old attacks on anyone or any idea that stands contrary to his greed (“Creating a plan for sustainable land use on Kaua‘i,” A9, Nov. 4).

The most ironic thing about his letter is the comment he made about “elitists.” Who does he think is buying his homes? Kaua‘i doesn’t need advice from a developer that has only one thing on his mind, we already have a governor shoving it down our throats.

Chris Bielle

Kilauea

Abuse happens on many levels

In response to “Domestic violence incidents down,” on the front page of The Garden Island Nov. 7.

Abuse can happen on many levels. I was abused mentally and physically by my ex-husband. I divorced him three years ago. I chose to keep to myself and mostly withdrew myself from society. He took this as an open door to slander me whenever and however the opportunity presented itself. This was especially easy for him to do, as I had already slandered myself by attempting suicide. This was largely due to the mental pain of being put through the mind-games of his denial of ever having raised a hand to me, a myth of his denial, which he does his best to perpetuate to this day.

This past year he spent working on his next victim, who recently contacted me for verification of his behavior toward her and the mental and physical abuse she suffered from him. He convinced her to finalize her divorce and move in with him. Then to sell her vehicle. Then, from what I was told, it started to get bad. I felt especially bad for her as she has three children. But, sad to say, I knew that this would probably happen. But, in the flush of new love, what a woman will choose to see and believe.

And, worse still, with an abuser like him, it is even harder to see “it” coming, because he can be quite charming, and seemingly very together, and talks a great game, and paints the best picture of himself.

Alas, a person like him, who never looks at him or herself and patterns will repeat, especially when refusing to let go of the denial. Eventually, relationship after relationship will fail, as one reaches a maximum capacity for intimacy, and comes up against a lack of self respect that he or she projects on others, especially those who are closest. One must respect him or herself in order to respect others.

This pattern crosses over into all walks of life, men and women alike are abusers. Income, education, religious background and social status are not barriers to abusers or victims. I know a man who is “well-off” and has a high level of social status. His wife is the abuser.

Another unfortunate truth is that it is usually a matter of someone having to leave the abuser, or otherwise being forced to separate themselves from him, unless they remain co-dependant, or feel that circumstances leave them no choice except to stay. For instance, lack of money, children, lack of support or acceptance from friends and acquaintances.

The one thing I can say is, when someone comes to you questioning the following — behavior they are being subjected to, or may be inflicting, or in need of an accepting friend — please try to recognize and realize the courage it has taken them to seek you out in trust for your support, as the shame of being a victim or an abuser is great. Stepping outside of the denial that perpetuates the abuse can leave someone feeling quite vulnerable and alone.

Abuse can be so very isolating, and it is only with acceptance and support that healing can begin. Encourage them to seek the help and support they are most likely in desperate need of. Be supportive. Be a friend.

Name withheld

Kaua‘i

Chief’s new deputy

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture.”

Am I the only one here, after reading the “Police Log,” asking the same question? It appears that criminals with multiple felony offenses are continuing to get probation or parole (which they continually break without little or no penalty).

Police Chief Darryl Perry was given high praise, when we were in Honolulu recently, and I hope that Lt. Mark Begley will provide the necessary assistance he needs to be successful in his fight on crime here.

Chief Perry will also need judges who can count past five to help keep the habitual criminals off our streets. The prosecuting office, when not recommending hiring Honolulu attorneys, also needs to get more qualified people on board to file motions on time to prosecute these cases. One wonders how many more full-time staff members could have been hired here instead of paying the Honolulu firms’ rates. It’s time to keep “Let’s Make a Deal” on television, and not an everyday occurrence here.

Richard Heppard

Kapa‘a

It’s not a highway

While reading of the “Stuporferry’s” um … victory, one of the officials was mentioning how the ocean is our highway and this whole thing is great, “blah…blah…blah.” That’s part of the problem. The ocean is not a highway … it’s not a solid, paved-over surface that’s unchanging. It’s a whole other world that’s teeming with life that we’ll never completely understand and that needs our love and respect. Let’s stop treating the ocean like a highway and stop acting like we own everything. We’re only one of thousands of beings that call this island and her waters home sweet home.

Rebecca Gorsline

Kapa‘a