The signs and self-defense can be learned In order to protect oneself from abuse and harm, it is important, first of all, to recognize the characteristics of an abusive person. Abuse, whether it is sexual, mental, emotional or physical, is
The signs and self-defense can be learned
In order to protect oneself from abuse and harm, it is important, first of all, to recognize the characteristics of an abusive person.
Abuse, whether it is sexual, mental, emotional or physical, is primarily about control.
Abusive and controlling personality types have many common traits. Such people generally engage in name-calling, criticizing, public humiliation, put-downs and embarrassments. They frequently insult their partner, play mind games where the rules are always changing, and isolate their partner from family and friends. They use facial expressions, gestures, actions and their tone of voice to intimidate their partner.
The abusive person is jealous rather than loving. He/she tries to control where their partner goes, what they do, and who they see and talk to.
Stalking, accusing their partner of cheating, and creating a scene to control their partners behavior are also common traits of abusive people. They threaten to leave or abandon their partner in a dangerous place. They threaten physical harm to others or themselves.
Many times, people do not recognize these early warning sings. The victim receiving the verbal, mental and emotional abuse is convinced that somehow she/he did or said something to provoke it.
When these behaviors are consistent over time, there is a possibility that they will escalate into full-scale physical and/or sexual abuse. The destruction of personal property such as clothing, cars, pets or home furnishings is a clear indication that physical abuse is around the corner. For example, 100 percent of all investigations of pet abuse by the Humane Society uncovered physical abuse in those same homes.
Once pushing, slapping, punching or kicking begins, it will generally escalate into physical trauma that eventually requires medical treatment or results in death. Many boys who have grown up in abusive homes use physical and/or sexual assault as a method to control younger family members and friends.
Recognizing the warning signs and leaving an abusive situation is one method of self-defense. Sometimes it is necessary to protect oneself physically.
There are many methods of practical self-defense training available to people of all ages. Self-defense is an excellent way to train one’s mind, emotions and body to respond to threatening and dangerous situations.
Initially, a person is taught to be comfortable in their own body, to condition that body for strength and flexibility, to trust their body and to surrender to their natural responses to danger.
Self-defense is about learning how to prevent or get out of a dangerous situation by using many different methods of distraction with the least amount of damage, given the situation. It is about being sensitive to and aware of surroundings and the changes that take place there.
Self-defense fosters self-confidence, emotional and mental balance, increased energy and awareness. It is not about murder, dismemberment or critical injury. It is about protecting and saving one’s life.
Investigate the various self-defense classes available. Choose one that is right for you.
The Sex Assault Treatment Program at the YWCA of Kaua’i provides free 24-hour counseling seven days a week at 245-6362.
Last in a series on sexual abuse
This is the last in a four-article series on sexual assault and abuse, written by Dianne Celeste Ray, an advocate with YWCA of Kaua’i. Sunday’s article dealt with children as targets, Monday’s covered date rape, and Tuesday’s focused on incest. Ray, in her role with YWCA, provides support and counseling for victims of sexual and physical assault. At schools, she teaches the dynamics of dating-violence and date rape. She also works with suppport groups.
