You just had a big fight with your mom. She won’t let you go to a party with your boyfriend, who she does not like. Lately, it seems like all your mom does is say “No” to you and criticize
You just had a big fight with your mom. She won’t let you go to a party with your boyfriend, who she does not like.
Lately, it seems like all your mom does is say “No” to you and criticize everything you do. Nothing you do is good enough for her. It doesn’t help that your brother gets to do everything and go everywhere. That is just not fair.
Since your dad left after the divorce, there is no one who is on your side.
Well, you’ll show her. If you were gone, she has one less person to worry about. You have about $100 and some friends that could help you out. Plus, you can always stay on the beach; the weather has been so warm and nice …
This article is the second in a series dedicated to the topic of runaway youth and their families. Last week I focused on what a parent can do if their child runs away. This article examines runaway behavior from the vantage point of the adolescent.
There are a number of reasons that youth run away, many related to the development of adolescence. Some run away to express their sense of independence, while others run away to identify with or impress a peer group.
Adolescence is a time of significant stress. There are challenging situations such as dealing with school responsibilities, feeling uncertain about the future after high school, or dealing with family conflict. Coping with such stress can be overwhelming, especially if there is not much experience in problem solving.
Without knowing how to face a problem and resolve it, many see running away as the only way out. At this stage, teens often feel a sense of “nothing can harm me,” and that prevents the teen from seeing the realistic, potentially dangerous side of their actions.
The National Runaway Switchboard suggests 10 things to ask oneself before leaving home:
• What else can I do to improve things at home before I leave?
• What would make me stay at home?
• How will I survive?
• Is running away safe?
• Who can I talk to about the situation?
• Am I being realistic?
• Have I given this enough thought?
• What are my other options?
• Who will I call if I end up in trouble?
• What will happen when I return home?
The Switchboard also suggests some alternative, healthy activities to do when faced with the urge to run away. These things can include talking to a trusted friend, visiting a favorite auntie, going surfing, going for a hike or watching a favorite movie.
If there is no one to talk to, sometimes speaking to trained personnel can be helpful. The National Runaway Switchboard offers a help line at (800) RUNAWAY. On Kaua’i, you can call TEEN Line at (877) 521-TEEN.
When there is a problem, running away is not the most effective coping tool even though it may appear to be the most attractive or the only choice. Running away provides the illusion of a “quick fix” as well as an initial adrenaline rush that distracts from the stress of whatever the crisis may be. Unfortunately, the problem remains and is usually compounded by more troubles that stem from the consequences.
Another thing to consider before running away is the legal system. Once a child is considered a runaway, parents can contact the police and file a report. Then, if the child is located by the police, he/she can be referred to Teen Court, Family Court, or Juvenile Detention, depending on the circumstances of each case.
At this point, the matter is no longer between the runaway youth and the family. It is now a situation involving law enforcement.
The intervention does not end after the youth returns home. In addition to addressing the specific issue that led to the runaway episode, the family is encouraged to work on some supplementary items that can truly benefit everyone concerned. It is an opportunity to strengthen what already works in the family and to fix what does not work.
Appropriate and alternative coping skills, effective communication, stress reduction, family roles and responsibilities, and anger management are some of the topics to explore.
Upcoming articles in this series will discuss the various components of runaway prevention to be used by the individuals, families and community.
• Tram Vuong Meadows is the Therapeutic Foster Home Program Therapist for Hale ‘Opio Kaua’i. She can be reached at tmeadows@haleopio.org, or Hale ‘Opio Kaua’i Inc., 2959 Umi St., Lihu’e, HI 96766
