Late Bloomer: A 92-year-old woman by the name of Dame Vera Lynn has become the oldest living artist to have a number one album in Britain. Now, plans have just been announced for her to join the Rolling Stones for
Late Bloomer: A 92-year-old woman by the name of Dame Vera Lynn has become the oldest living artist to have a number one album in Britain. Now, plans have just been announced for her to join the Rolling Stones for a 50-nursing home mega-tour in the fall. And speaking of fall, tour promoters confess that this is perhaps the first time that there will be more concern about fans falling and breaking a hip than overdosing on drugs.
Fond of Gardening: Police in Sylacauga, Ala., say thieves broke into the garden center at Home Depot and stole over 40 rare and expensive large Kentia Palms. Sounds like the work of your typical, garden variety crooks.
Crappy Job: Pilots for Florida air cargo company Amerijet International claim their job is nothing short of a nightmare with no sick pay, low wages and no place to go to the bathroom on flights except in plastic bags. Don’t think I’d wanna breath the “air” in that air cargo jet. And, to make matters worse, the inflight meals consisted of coffee, prunes and bran muffins.
Valium Inventor Dies: Leo Sternbach, the man who invented the drug Valium, has died at age 97. The news set off a bit of a panic for the pharmaceutical markets on Wall Street. Fortunately, investors had plenty of Valium to calm them down.
Stay Away from My Lunch: Dangerous flesh-eating bacteria have been found for the first time in the sand and water at public beaches along the coast of the state of Washington. Attorneys representing a group of local great white sharks have filed a complaint with the EPA accusing the bacteria of trying to hone in on their territory.
Women Get Prettier: Anthropologists say evolution is causing women to become increasingly more attractive while men are basically staying about the same or losing ground. Oh yeah? Then how do you explain Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O’Donnell and Amy Winehouse? In other news, gay men say they don’t believe in evolution anymore.
Loved That Girl: I once dated a girl who I worshiped the ground that she walked on, which was about 2 1/2 acres in Beverly Hills.
MTV Video Music Awards: It just wasn’t Taylor Swift’s night at the MTV Video Music Awards. First, Kayne West interrupted Swift’s acceptance speech for best female video. A little later in the show when Beyonce invited Taylor to come back up on stage to finish her speech, she was again interrupted when South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson began yelling “you lie” from the audience.
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com.
