Rising human population alarms Kauai’s roosters

Kauai’s noted “Rooster Whisperer,” Deputy Robert Moakane, has disclosed some surprising news that he’s acquired concerning the island’s chicken community. If you’re not familiar with Deputy Moakane, he’s been touted locally as someone who may actually understand and perhaps even communicate with the island’s fowl, much like documented horse whisperers.

“I don’t pretend to have any supernatural powers,” states Moakane. “It’s just that the chickens and I seem to second-guess each other and we’ve had some interesting encounters.”

According to the deputy, the wild chickens are concerned and even agitated about the growing human population on Kauai.

“The roosters in particular are more vocal about it, especially at dawn. I believe they are complaining that humans are practically everywhere. One rooster pecking around Ono Char Burger seemed quite upset that so many humans were wandering all over the place while he was trying to eat.

“From what I can tell, they have set up chicken committees around the island to discuss the matter,” says Moakane. “They apparently have looked at 1992’s Hurricane Iniki as their personal ‘big bang’ event when they began assuming they were meant by some form of providence ‘to take over’ from a minority to a majority position and begin, eventually, to rule the island in some sort of ‘regal fowl manner.’”

“I know it sounds preposterous,” says the deputy, “but just look at what’s happened in the past 25 years. The chickens have accomplished quite a bit and have somehow even legally protected themselves in certain areas. I’m fairly sure they believe they’ve somehow influenced local ordinances through their support of various politicians sympathetic to the birds’ well-being. Since I work for the public it would be inappropriate for me to say that we’ve had a few ‘bird-brained’ politicians, but the thought is interesting. Don’t quote me on that.”

In any case, Moakane suggests that humans may want to reflect on what might be occurring. Besides the fact that the chicken population has grown undeterred, it also appears to be no mere coincidence that there are increasing numbers of signs, T-shirts, souvenirs and products such as coffee and cigars with rooster photos and likenesses appearing on Kauai.

The deputy guesses that the roosters are mostly concerned that humans have an unfair advantage. That is, the fowl have to gain population solely by breeding while the Kauaian human population is gaining quickly by people flying from long distances to the island and eventually moving here. “The point is, and this seems somewhat ironic if you think about the fact that these are birds, the roosters are dismayed that humans can fly long distances and the birds can’t!”

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Roger Lepley is president of Consort Display Group in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and an annual visitor to Kauai.

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