There just is no force experienced on Earth that is stronger than love. Ironically, no instruments on Earth can measure it. I Googled “scientifically measuring love” and “instruments used for scientifically measuring love.” I found that they can measure levels of dopamine, oxytocin and other chemicals that make you feel good, when people are in romantic relationships, but not that clear, peaceful feeling, sense of connection to love that can inspire great feats, miracles, and forgiveness. The love I’m referring to comes from a realm other than the physical plane, but its effects can be felt here.
The love that is the mighty warrior in us is the love that can bypass the ego’s constant attempts to put us and others down. The ego’s voice in your head tells you that you’re not good enough, that you’ll never be as good as so and so, that you are weak and ineffective in what you do. Love doesn’t get swayed by all that talk. It knows you. It accepts you. It also doesn’t really believe the ego’s posturing that some people are better than other people because of how the outcomes of their lives manifest.
Let’s use the analogy of the brain representing the ego, the heart representing love. The brain and ego both process information and feed it back. The heart and love both accept you and want you to thrive. So here’s a scenario. You love to skateboard. There is a wonderful little hill that’s your favorite place to go, but you have to wait for traffic to basically stop to really enjoy it. It gets dark early this time of year and you know you shouldn’t get that one last ride, but you do, and you have a terrible wipe out. It’s so bad that you’ve crushed your kneecap and scraped skin off your leg and forearms.
Immediately, the brain starts telling you what an idiot you are. “You know you shouldn’t have skated when it was dark. You know you’re going to cause worry in your family, and you may never recover this knee again. It’ll serve you right, fool! What an idiot. I thought you knew better. You really are a slow learner, aren’t you.”
And the heart quietly registers the accident. It never stops pumping. It sends its minions in the form of platelets to attempt to stop the bleeding and white corpuscles to fight potential infection. Red cells bring fresh oxygen. It supports you. It wants you to heal and feel better. It loves you.
Who do you listen to? Hopefully, it’s the heart, but you may want to get the message from the brain and not repeat the experience that led to the accident. Then shut the criticisms/guilt off.
Another scenario: You’ve been seeing a special someone for over a year now. You’re pretty comfortable with the relationship, and you feel good when you’re with this person. Bam, you get the talk, “You know, we’ve been together a long time now, and I think it would be good for both of us if we had a chance to date other people …”
Brain says to you, “She must have never loved you to do this to you. Maybe you’re not as smart as you think about love. It could be your looks or what you do. Well, we can prove her wrong. We’ll drop all ties, and keep face. Time to go look for someone else, and how can we make this seem as if this was mutual? What did you do wrong?”
Heart recognizes a change in energy, stress related. But it keeps on beating, and continuing to regulate itself. It notices that the stress is worse when you get angrier thoughts, and less when you are considering keeping the good of the relationship. Who do you listen to?
Again, listen to both. Raging out, making excuses or blaming another for their feelings won’t serve you for long. It might puff you up for a few minutes, but if you’ve said something harmful, regret will come back and add to the problem. Don’t be irrational. Consider that this could be a gift. Maybe you could learn to be better in a relationship. Hopefully, you can talk to the other person about it. Hopefully, you can stay friends. Friends are precious. You built the relationship on something. Continue to nurture that common ground.
Pay attention to your feelings. When do you feel more peaceful? Happy? What does your body feel like when you are feeling negative? Then the body’s feelings from negative thinking become a kind of teacher for you. When you feel sluggish, or hyper, or whatever it is for you, stop and look at what you are thinking. It’s time to clear your mind and open up to your own source of love. Love is powerful.
Find a peaceful place where you are alone. You’re in good company. Many of our world’s greatest teachers, thinkers, and spiritual leaders have done this with stunning results! Quiet and then still your mind, possibly by deep breathing, or focusing your attention on moving water or wind blowing through trees. It’s important to boot up your belief in the power of love. Some people believe that everyone is connected to everyone and everything else in the cosmos through love. These people have totally changed their thinking and therefore their lives.
Here’s something that works for me that you could try. As I’m clearing my mind, I focus on love by breathing in and thinking, “I receive Your (I’m speaking to my Creator here) love, and I extend Your love to all creation.” I just repeat it slowly and I begin to feel peace, love and union with life. I used to say “I receive Your love, and I give You love,” but recognized that the Source of All Love knows that, and would be happier if I extended love to all of creation.
Love is no wimp. We celebrate love this season, but it’s the kind of love that is strong, and has no needs really, except to love. Even when people don’t believe they are loved, they can be very loving.
We know that we need to forgive others to be at peace within ourselves, and that is almost impossible if we come from the mind. But with love, it’s quite possible.
Love is no wimp and you have access to an unlimited supply of it. Love is the juice that causes people to walk, when doctors said they never would again. Love is the force that leads parents into burning rooms to get their babies or parents. Love is the energy behind all courageous acts. The word for heart in French is “coeur.” Courage is fueled by the heart. Love is what we celebrate this season. May you have many times where you are aware of how it is blessing your life.
Hale ‘Opio Kauai convened a support group of adults in our Kaua’i community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at firstname.lastname@example.org For more information about Hale ‘Opio Kaua’i, please go to www.haleopio.org