This time of year always excites me. Not because in less than two weeks I can officially listen to all of the holiday music I want to without criticism, even though some may have slipped into my playlist the first
This time of year always excites me. Not because in less than two weeks I can officially listen to all of the holiday music I want to without criticism, even though some may have slipped into my playlist the first of the month. No, not because I can decorate my tree, put lights on my house or go shopping for family and friends.
And not because I can sip on a pumpkin spice latte and browse Black Friday deals online. Although I look forward to all of these events, I am always really excited to reflect on the past year, giving thanks for the blessings and being grateful for the strength and lessons I have learned through both the good times and the hardships of the past year.
How was your year? You may be going into this season with tough skin, not wanting to give thanks because, frankly, it has been a bad year and your taste for gratitude is bitter or tainted.
We all have different circumstances, come from different walks of life, and view things differently, but we do share common ground in that we have the ability to exercise both gratitude and forgiveness despite our circumstances. And because of this, we have the opportunity to create a healthier, happier and positive self.
Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have focused a lot of their research on the effects of gratitude and being grateful. The results of these studies are very powerful and suggest that exercising gratitude often results in increased optimism, happiness and an overall better feeling about life.
If that’s not good enough, the study also revealed that these feelings were found to last for months and are often more effective than many alternative remedies used to increase happiness. Furthermore, participants were shown to exercise more, build stronger relationships with others, and have fewer doctor visits than if they chose to focus on the stresses of life.
The first step to expressing gratitude may surprise you. Although it is not the case for everyone, many must first learn to forgive before they can reap the positive benefits of thankfulness.
It may come in the form of forgiving oneself or a fellow human being, or simply a circumstance from your past. Frederic Luskin, Ph.D. and director of Stanford Forgiveness Projects, defines forgiveness not as a forgetting, pardoning, or even reconciliation, but as “the moment to moment experience of peace and understanding that occurs when an injured party’s suffering is reduced as they transform their grievance against an offending party.”
Sometimes that offending party may even be you, or to be more specific, your experiences may have landed you in a grudging state. Recognizing this need and taking the proper steps towards finding peace is crucial to this process of thankfulness.
The next steps toward expressing gratitude and experiencing a new happiness may come in different forms for everyone. Testing out what works for you is best but here are a few suggestions.
1. Practice mental gratitude. A few times a day stop and think of three things you are grateful for.
2. Write it out. Send thank you notes or “just because” notes to a few people that you are grateful for or appreciate in your life.
3. Choose the positive. Even though each day brings both positive and negative feelings, choose to focus on the positive. This may be hard at first but as you practice it will get easier.
4. Realize someone else usually has it worse. Even in the grimmest circumstances, there is probably someone that is experiencing something worse. Express gratitude for what you have instead of griping about what you don’t have.
5. Keep a journal. Start writing down the things or people you are grateful for in a personal journal.
6. Stop and be thankful. Take some time out of each day to stop and pray, meditate, or simply take some quiet time to be thankful.
7. Take action. Start going out of your way to do nice things for others. Help someone in need and take the focus off of yourself. I promise you won’t regret this step.
This Thanksgiving season, I hope we can all take some extra time to practice gratitude. Not only will your relationships improve, but your health, happiness, and well-being depend on it!
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Hale Opio Kauai convened a support group of adults in our Kauai community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org. For more information about Hale Opio Kauai, go to www.haleopiokauai.org.
