At the Friends of Kamalani and Lydgate Park Make a Difference Day on Oct. 24, I sat down next to a new acquaintance for lunch. She was a lovely lady named Kathleen from Kilauea. We got to talking about everything
At the Friends of Kamalani and Lydgate Park Make a Difference Day on Oct. 24, I sat down next to a new acquaintance for lunch. She was a lovely lady named Kathleen from Kilauea. We got to talking about everything as women sometimes do, and found out that we were both great fans of Random Acts of Kindness. In fact, Kathryn liked them so much she called herself a random act of kindness. She has made many little caring cards that she gives away anonymously, or sometimes directly.
She gave me one. It said, “You are my reason to love.” It was illustrated with a wide-eyed young lady smiling sweetly. It was obvious to me that she wasn’t talking about romantic love, but the universal love that is the glue that keeps humanity together. Each of us can be a reason for another to love, and that was her point. I decided then that I’d write a column soon about random acts of kindness.
The timing’s great since it’s World Kindness Day on Nov. 13. I want Kauai to have a little time to get ready to celebrate kindness. The World Kindness Day information I was given was posted on the National Wellness Institute’s Health & Wellness Observances Calendar because people thrive when they are treated kindly, and also feel better when they do kind things. It’s important for our country, but it is a worldwide phenomena.
A random act of kindness can be defined as, “a selfless act performed by a person or people wishing either to assist or to cheer up an individual person or people.” When I first heard about it in the 80s, the word “random” implied that we did these things anonymously. You’d see a person’s parking meter on empty and you’d stick in a quarter. Or you’d pay for a person’s fast food bill anonymously. The idea is that you don’t expect anything in return except that wonderful feeling that you get by doing something nice for another person.
At Rosa’s Pizza shop in Philadelphia, a city with roughly 185,000 people below half of the federal poverty limit, a customer walked in and changed the lives of thousands with a dollar and his random act of kindness. A slice costs a dollar. This customer wanted to pay a dollar for a person to come in and redeem later. The owner, Mason Wartman, “wrote the purchase on a Post-it and slapped it on the all behind the register to be redeemed by the next homeless patron to enter the store.
“Since that first pay-it-forward slice, Rosa’s has provided nearly 10,000 pizza slices to needy Philadelphians. Pre-purchased slices now represent a whopping 10 percent of Rosa’s business … showing not only that acts of kindness can be contagious, but also how a small gesture of support can have a ripple effect of positivity.”
The season of giving is coming upon us. Many people don’t have much extra cash to give to all the folks they’d like to, let alone enough to give as random acts that are basically given to an unsuspecting person that we don’t even know. Some of the most appreciated gifts don’t cost anything.
Here’s a great local story. A gentleman was in a group program to help retrain his thinking. The therapist assigned each one of them the task of doing a random act of kindness.
It stumped this man for awhile, but as he looked across the street he noticed that the yard that used to be so beautifully kept was in disrepair. He noticed that the man of the house was not well. He noticed when the man and his wife left one day and got very busy mowing and raking the yard, hauling the trash, trimming the bushes. It was easy for him. He was big, young and strong.
The next day the neighbors came over and asked if he’d seen anyone working in their yard. As they told their story they had tears in their eyes. The man had been so sick he couldn’t do it and was ashamed. The giver played dumb, but his heart was swelling in his chest. He had no idea that it would mean so much to them … that someone had noticed, and cared enough to help. He noticed that it affected him. It may just come down to noticing and responding.
Another way people can show that they care is by leaning how to listen without interrupting the speaker. We’re busy people. How often do we really give another undivided attention filled with love and caring? Children and elders really need it. Many of us in the middle are used to living without it, but it feels good whenever it happens.
Some people don’t feel that they can help another person who begins to tell a distressing tale. But we help when we offer our listening with compassion and empathy. Sometimes just listening offers a person the chance to actually get out their story, and then they can figure out on their own the next step to take to make it better. Or you might ask a question in trying to understand the story better that is just the question the speaker needed to ask himself.
The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation has its own website at: http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ They offer lesson plans to teachers to help teach kindness, believing that kindness can be learned. There is evidence that children learn better in environments where they feel safe, respected and cared for. You can look up studies at this site that prove that people can learn compassion and empathy.
World Kindness Day is Nov. 13. It’s not too early to begin to create something wonderful in your classrooms, family, club, church, etc., or your own heart, that will be able to be expressed on that day. It doesn’t have to be huge, just meaningful to those who receive it, that they feel cherished, and that they matter. Their website has many suggestions, and terrific stories that make you feel good just reading them.
There is a link to Raktavists. Raktavists are the “daily doers, movers and shakers; reaching out to others and not just talking the talk, but using those limbs to walk the walk … an extraordinary class of kind do-er’s. They truly believe that kindness can change the world and exemplify that in their day-to-day lives. The RAKtivist™ program recognizes these individuals and creates a community for kindness to flourish. After all, kindness is interdependent and the more we can work together, the greater our reach and impact.” There are featured Raktavists on the link page. Tapan in India posted this quotation, “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” — Lao Tzu
We really can make a difference. Spectators have stopped violent acts either by getting involved in stopping the fight, or by photographing them, and bringing people to justice. It is beginning to make a difference in our police departments all over the country. People have gathered together to put up signs warning tourists of dangerous places where they shouldn’t go. Students have organized a “welcome” team of students who help out new students to a school.
Here’s a list of Random Acts that I found in the Kindness-ideas link under “every day kindness” and “any category”:
Return lost belongings to the owner.
Be polite online.
Be generous with compliments.
Stop negative conversations. Don’t gossip.
Let people merge in front of you in traffic.
Be the designated driver.
Give the benefit of the doubt.
Pick up trash.
Visit someone who is lonely.
Write a positive note to a classmate
Take flowers to someone.
Give a gas or grocery card
Make a treat for your coworkers.
Donate used clothing or toys.
Start a kindness club.
Volunteer at the Humane Society.
Write a letter to someone who made a difference in your life.
Make sure that you and your friends wear seatbelts.
Give a backrub.
And most importantly, have fun doing this.
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Hale Opio Kauai convened a support group of adults in our Kauai community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org
