Get Caught Looking: The Secrets To Flirting

Aloha Cary,

 I’m an introverted person and find it uncomfortable to introduce myself to guys that I’m attracted to at parties, nightclubs or business events. What suggestions might have to overcome this? 


 Sweaty Palms,



 Aloha Sweaty Palms,

Your sentiments are very common for women and men and you don’t have to be introverted to feel uncomfortable meeting someone that you are attracted to. My suggestion would be to practice a few fun flirting tips that I’ll give you below. Before you say, “I’m not the flirting type,” keep reading. These tips are easy to incorporate and you probably are already doing most of them everyday, anyway.  Most of us get nervous and tongue-tied when we meet someone we are attracted to. Actually, the nerves are a confirmation of the attraction. Truth be told, for most of us, flirting is a learned trait.

 Don’t worry if it feels awkward at first when you’re implementing these tips into action. Go slowly. Test drive a few examples each time you go out. Don’t pressure yourself that immediately you are going to meet prince charming (though it can happen). Have fun, be playful, enjoy socializing. As your confidence boosts meeting guys, you will create the relationship of your dreams.

 Here are the top eight tips for successful flirting:

 1) Smile. You probably automatically smile when you meet someone you’d like to know. Nonverbally, you will give off a friendly, warm vibe.

 2) Best pick up line. Continually voted the best pick up line is “Hi.” Follow that up with, “I’m (your name). And you are?”

To help remember his name repeat it and compliment the shirt he’s wearing or ask about the sport team, brand or band printed on his shirt. He’ll be happy you noticed. Or ask him: “How’s your day going?” This will require a direct response that will kick start a conversation vs. asking a yes or no question.

 3) Get caught looking. If you haven’t yet said hi, get caught making eye contact but not staring. Keep making small, quick glances until he sees you. Then hold the gaze just long enough to smile and look away.

If you already said hi, keep looking into his eyes when you are speaking to each other. Look deep enough and you’ll feel his essence. If you feel vulnerable as he’s looking at you, break the tension by joking “what, do I have some food stuck in my teeth?”

 4) Ask questions. Keep the focus on him by asking what music he likes or what does he like to do with his free time or his hobbies? By keeping the questions light and quick, the conversation will be lively and interesting, leaving you both desiring to know more about each other. Be funny but be yourself. Laughter is good medicine for attraction.

 5) Compliment. Saying something early on that compliments him is very important, as it subtly hints that you find him interesting and you’d like to get to know him better.

For example: your funny, your cute when you laugh, I like talking with you or even daring as — I’m blown away I’m talking to someone as good looking as you or I have to tell you, you’re gorgeous.

 6) Touch. Another nonverbal way of expressing your interest in him is by lightly touching his arm, hand or side of his thigh during conversation.

 7) Mimic. If he leans forward, then you lean forward. Keep it subtle so he doesn’t think you are mocking him. You may even catch yourself doing this without intending to.

8) Keep it short and sweet and ask. Keep the conversation brief, five to 10 minutes max. If you like what you see and feel from this interaction say, “I’d like to get you know you better, can I have your number?” Of course give him yours, too. Or, “what are you doing this weekend?” “Want to take a walk on Kealia Beach/bike trail?” Or “I was thinking of having brunch at Hemingway’s on Sunday, want to me there?”

 Act in the moment, when you feel the urge to merge. Don’t wait all night for him, you may not get a second chance.

If you are with a group of friends, he might be embarrassed to come over, so break away from the pack by saying you’re going to get a drink and on your way go say hi to him.

 In closing, don’t take this too seriously. Flirting is supposed to be fun. Don’t be disappointed if your efforts aren’t immediately successful with everyone you meet.

Stay positive, try again with a different guy and you’ll continually feel more comfortable the more you incorporate these tips.

 Keep in touch, I’d love to hear how this works out for you.

 Malama Pono,



P.S. Couples — a secret to experiencing a lifetime attraction between you two is by flirting. Have fun, get sassy!


 • Cary Valentine is a certified relationship expert, author and wedding officiant. Looking to attract a soulmate or reignite the love and passion in your relationship? Call Cary to arrange a FREE Unlock The Keys To Your Love and Passion Session. (808) 346-6652  Questions welcomed at


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