Here’s how to rekindle those flames of love

Aloha Cary,

The last six months of dating my girlfriend has gotten stale.

I’m finding myself less interested in her and feel like we’ve lost the spark.

We’ve been dating a few years and it’s not like we are fighting, it just seems to be a lack of connection, especially in the physical area for me.

We’re going ‘thru the motions’ but I’m not feeling as in love, do you have any suggestions to help us out?

Lackluster,

Kapaa

Aloha Lackluster,

This issue is very common after being together awhile. It doesn’t mean the relationship is going bad. Actually, I would say a depth of love is awaiting you both to snuggle into and go deeper. An emotional intimacy is longing to expand in your hearts.

Intimacy is at the core here. Into-me-you-see. Yet, how do you make this real in the relationship? One great way is by asking piercing questions to get to know your partner better and be willing to be transparent in your answers. As you feel more connected in your hearts to one another, passionate love making will naturally rise to new levels of steaminess and you’ll both feel more “in love.”

Below are a few questions to converse about, dive deeper into the soul of your relationship. Be playful with this inquiry, get excited and have fun getting to know each other better. You may feel vulnerable at times answering these questions honestly.

The more you are able to admit your fears, doubts, insecurities and any painful memories of your past, the quicker a deepening sense of trust, safety and respect will emerge in your relationship. By offering your true, honest heart to each other and sharing how much you mean to each other, the sweetness of love is bound to bloom.

1) From 1-10 (10 being the most) how would you rate your level of happiness? Explain. How would you rate your level of happiness as a child? Any factors that have changed over the years?

2) From 1-10, how aware are you of your inner challenges, i.e. fears, doubts, insecurities? From 1-10 how easy is it for you to discuss any challenges with your partner?

How much does your partner know the challenges you go through about work, finances, your body? Do have a system in place to help you both clear through any fears and doubts so they don’t linger for days, months, years? (If not, read my previous article March 16, it will be of great assistance).

3) What are your dreams, goals, desires? Are they written down? From 1-10, how much are you living your dreams? Have you communicated your dreams to your partner? Does your partner support your dreams and desires? Do you know your partner’s dreams, desires, goals and how much are you willing to support her?

4) What is your biggest reoccurring fear?

5) When was the last time you and your partner stood naked in front of a mirror and discussed what you liked and didn’t like about your bodies? Did you find you were more critical of your body, than your partner felt of your body?

6) How much have you and your partner explored mixing up the intensity of kissing and touching each other sensually? Soft, strong, quick, slow. Try staring longingly into your partner’s eyes as you slowly make love.

Desire to feel her heart beat with yours. How much do you know about what pleases each other intimately? Have you discussed how you enjoy being touched?

Do you feel comfortable to guide your partner verbally or by touch when being physical? How often do you focus on just pleasing her?

Have fun answering these questions with your partner, they will certainly spice up dinner conversations as a delectable recipe for being in love forever. Keep in touch, I’d love to know how this assisted you both.

To juicy living,

Cary

• Cary Valentine is a certified relationship expert, author and wedding officiant. Looking to attract a soulmate or reignite the love and passion in your relationship? Call Cary to arrange a free “Unlock The Keys To Your Love and Passion Session.” (808) 346-6652. Questions welcomed at Cary@InLoveForever.tv