Jessie Basquez of Kauai Economic Opportunity and I have had the great pleasure of working with some bright and caring Waimea High School students as they are forming their new peer mediation team. We asked them why they wanted to
Jessie Basquez of Kauai Economic Opportunity and I have had the great pleasure of working with some bright and caring Waimea High School students as they are forming their new peer mediation team. We asked them why they wanted to become mediators for their school and were told that it was to help resolve the conflicts which would create less drama and stress for the whole school. One of the issues that they specifically mentioned was the negative power of rumors.
Rumors are stories going around of doubtful truth. At their worst they are a vicious form of bullying, and at the best they are stories that got misunderstood and passed around. Sadly, far too many people become the target of rumors. One person had a rash on his hands and a rumor started that it was AIDS. A girl I know had said “No” to the sexual advancement of a football player. He told the team that if they got her drunk, she would deliver! Both of these rumors were dissolved over time, but in the instant that the rumor victim becomes aware of the rumor until its undoing, there is a sense of helplessness, especially with the modern day social media technologies.
This is not a problem that exists just in schools. It happens in the workplace, churches, neighborhoods, show business, and frequently in politics to name a few places. Defamation means to damage the good reputation of someone. It can occur verbally as slander or as libel when published. In Hawaii, defamation is against the law when certain situations occur, including when the victim is a public figure.
All rumor victims have options. Here are some suggestions for “rumor busting” that I found on the Internet: “Respond to the rumor quickly and directly. Kind of like how putting out a forest fire is easier if you stomp it out when it’s just a smoldering ember, stopping a rumor is much easier if it hasn’t been spread. Respond to the actual rumor. Saying something like “no comment” can arouse further suspicion and actually make the rumor mill work harder.
Use evidence. Rumors tend to dissolve fairly quickly when they are refuted with factual evidence. Give clear, succinct (brief) points that illustrate exactly how the rumor is untrue.
Break down walls to change culture for the better.
Set a positive example. Treat your coworkers, colleagues, or classmates with honesty and respect. Doing so might encourage them to do the same.
People tend to gossip about those they don’t know well. Try to set up a social event or team-building activity where your coworkers, colleagues, or classmates can get to know each other.”
Creating mediation teams that become pro-active in encouraging people to work out their problems helps change the culture. If I was a victim, I might feel more like confronting the rumor starter if I had a neutral pair of peer mediators sitting at the table to make sure that everyone played by the “respect” rules. “Peers working against a hurtful rumor can often succeed in stopping its negative energy,” according to the PBS Kids website.
The following steps were taken from a website designed for parents to help a daughter deal with rumors. I suggest that caring friends can help rumor victims by following the same guidelines. I’ve changed some words to make it more globally applicable. Victims can read it and apply it themselves. Be kind to yourself and everyone else.
Step 1
Ask your friend to explain the entire situation to you so you understand what’s happening. Listen carefully, without interrupting, to hear the story. When the story is finished, ask questions to clarify points or to ensure you understand. Paraphrase what you think you heard to make sure you got it.
Step 2
Employ empathy (understanding feelings) as you discuss the situation with your friend, advises the Scholastic website. It’s likely that your friend feels hurt, embarrassed, angry and frustrated about the rumors, so give proper weight to the magnitude of these emotions to show that you understand. At the same time, however, do not overreact with anger and vow to right the wrongs against your friend. Your empathetic understanding and listening ear are important for helping and supporting your friend.
Step 3
Help your friend understand how rumors originate and spread. Explain that rumors involve negative information about another person. For a rumor to spread, people must have a belief that an event could have happened. People don’t care whether it is true and often have an interest in the subject of the rumor, states R.L. Rosnow on Education.com. Help your friend understand that denying a rumor with factual arguments that refute it should help stop the rumor. Advise your friend that rumors usually lose steam and die down as kids focus on other things.
Step 4
Explore the origin of the rumor to learn who might have started it. Talk about possible motives for the rumor — did someone start it maliciously, or is it merely an exaggeration that grew? By discussing it, you may succeed in tracing it to where it began, which would enable your friend to speak with the people involved.
Step 5
Speak with a teacher or other school official if your friend needs more help. If the rumor has serious allegations, or your friend is exhibiting significant anxiety about the situation, involve school authorities to get additional assistance. Faculty might be able to intervene on your friend’s behalf to quell the rumor.
It may seem grim, but remember what the English Sir George Treveylan said. “The truth stands!”
• Questions? Hale Opio Kaua’i convened a support group of adults in our Kaua’i community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org
