Kapaa High School senior Kaylee Silva is a typical high school student on the surface. She goes to classes in the mornings, has practice with the school’s girls basketball team during the afternoons and spends as much time as possible
Kapaa High School senior Kaylee Silva is a typical high school student on the surface. She goes to classes in the mornings, has practice with the school’s girls basketball team during the afternoons and spends as much time as possible in-between hanging out with friends.
It was during her sophomore year, however, her life changed when she discovered she would soon bring a life into the world.
Though teen pregnancy may come with negative connotations for some people, Silva proves one can make the best out of a difficult situation with determination and a support system.
This week, The Garden Island sat down with Silva and discussed her experiences with teen pregnancy, being a young mother and her aspirations as she looks forward to wrapping up her high school career.
The Garden Island: Let’s start at the beginning. Please tell us about the moment you found out you would become a mother.
Kaylee Silva: I was a sophomore. First of all, I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was already seven months. I played varsity volleyball, JV soccer, varsity basketball and part of track season all while I was pregnant. My periods were irregular, so I only got them once or twice a year. That’s why I never knew I was pregnant.
How I found out was that I had this growing pain that never went away. I went to therapy, visited chiropractors, all kinds of things to figure out what was wrong. One day we went to the doctor’s to get X-rays. They had me take a blood test and that’s how I found out I was pregnant.
TGI: You didn’t notice a baby bump? You weren’t showing at all?
KS: I didn’t start showing until I was eight months. One month after I found out, I just looked like I had eaten a huge lunch. Even after I had found out, no one at school knew until I started showing.
TGI: What were your initial thoughts when you first found out?
KS: I was shocked when I found out. I never expected my life to change that soon. I never expected to have a child that young. It wasn’t in my plans, but it happened. So far, it’s been a blessing and I wouldn’t change anything at all.
TGI: How has your life changed since you’ve had your son?
KS: For the better, I’m more responsible. Now I see myself wanting to work harder in school, work harder in sports. I want my son to be proud of my accomplishments in high school. I want him to look back and say, “That was my mom.” He’s going to come back to my old high school and see our banner on the wall from 2014, my graduation year.
School is harder now, but Kapaa High School has a baby center. The center helps as much as they can. It really helped me while I was in school. Also, my parents have been supportive. They watch my son. They help me when I get frustrated. My boyfriend, who is my baby’s father, too, he has a big role. When I have no one else to go to, he’s there.
Pretty much, I’ve had a lot of support from my family, the day care and my coaches. People were talking badly about me, but I believe having a child shouldn’t stop you from living. As long as my son is healthy, well taken care of and loved, I’m good.
That was the only hard part, that people were talking about me. I was criticized for being a teen mom. I don’t even know them, but they’re talking about me. They said that I have a child so I shouldn’t do sports. I should just stay home and drop out of school.
TGI: After having your child, did you think about dropping out of school and quitting sports?
KS: I think it would be harder to get a job if you don’t finish school. I want to be successful for my child. My first priority is to graduate from high school. I hope to get into college and get a degree. At the same time, I’m working really hard to raise my child.
It was never in my mind that I would drop out. In the beginning, my son would wake up a lot. It was hard to get used to that, but I never wanted to drop out.
TGI: With classes in the morning, practices in the afternoon and then coming home to your baby, how are you handling everything?
KS: My parents and my boyfriend help a lot. My mom works for the school, too. She helps students with special needs.
Every lunch and recess, I have to meet with the baby sitter who takes care of my son. That’s one of the rules of the baby sitter. So I’m with him even during school and before practice. During practice, either my parents or my boyfriend watches him. After practice, I stay up to 10 o’clock, maybe 11 sometimes, and cruise with my son and wait until he falls asleep.
It’s not as bad as it used to be. Before, I would only get five hours of sleep, maybe four. But my mom really helped when he was younger.
TGI: How difficult was managing your time at first? Is it still hard now?
KS: I had to get used to not sleeping as much, but my mom would help. Sometimes, she would take him out for a walk so I could take a nap.
It was difficult waking up every three hours. Having my mom and dad really helped. If he wasn’t hungry or needed his diaper changed, he just wanted to be held. Sometimes my parents would take him and just love him up. I really appreciate it.
Now it’s easier because he’s walking around and he does what he wants. He just eats all day. Sometimes he takes naps during the day, but usually he’s up all day and sleeps at night. At first, the sleeping situation was hard. Now it’s easier to predict his sleeping patterns.
TGI: Does having a kid make you feel more like an adult?
KS: I’ve grown up a lot, considering how I was before. I was this wild thing that screamed and yelled at everything. I was a crazy girl, but now I grew up. I don’t go out with my friends as much. The only times I’m not with him are when I’m at school or when I’m doing sports.
I take him everywhere. Sometimes when we have team bondings, I take him with me. He just cruises and all the girls love him. He’s such a little flirt.
TGI: How difficult is taking care of your son after you’re already tired from practices or games?
KS: I come home drained. Sometimes after games, I don’t get to shower because I have to take care of my son. I’m like, my brain is dying already.
At times, he doesn’t see me for hours. When I get him, he wants attention. I cruise with him until he falls asleep. Then I look at the time and see how late it is and I’m like, “Oh my god. I still have to shower and eat.”
TGI: What were your parents and boyfriend’s reactions when they found out?
KS: Of course, my parents were upset. After a while, they accepted it and supported me. They kept showing me that there will be a good side to the situation. They would tell me to not listen to what all these people would say about me.
My boyfriend, he was shocked. We’ve been with each other for forever. He was just speechless. He didn’t know what to say. When we told his parents, they were shocked, too. But because of this, I’ve gotten closer with his parents and he’s gotten closer to my parents. It’s brought our two families together.
TGI: How involved are his parents?
KS: When me, my boyfriend, or my parent can’t watch my son, his parents are very willing to take him. They don’t get to see him as much as my parents. The weekends are usually when I go to their house. They hang out with him and love him up. They’re happy when they see him.
TGI: How about your boyfriend? Is he going to school as well? How has he adjusted to life as a father?
KS: He graduated high school. Right now, he goes to Kauai Community College. He’s going to school to be an electrician and he works. He goes to school and works part time. Sometimes, he doesn’t come home until 8 o’clock at night.
TGI: How do you deal with people who talk badly about you because you’re a teen mother?
KS: I’m to the point where I’m like, ‘What do you do that for?’ It’s not their business to judge anyone.
For example, this one person was talking badly about me, but her parents had her when they were in high school too. I think, ‘Why are they talking when her parents did the exact same thing?’
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even listen to them. I’m happy. My son’s happy. My family is happy. That’s all that matters.
Sometimes, even coaches judge me because I’m still playing sports. I’ve been benched because of it. It was like going to hell and back, but I’ve stuck with it and showed them I was the better person.
TGI: The people who disapprove, is it because you had a child while you were young? Or is it because you’re still active in school and sports despite having a child?
KS: It’s both.
TGI: Are you going to do any sports in the spring?
KS: I want to do track. The track coach really wants me to do it because I went to state when I was a freshman.
I plan on going back. The coach wants me to do four events, but I only want to do two. Track practices run pretty late and I still have to take care of my son.
TGI: Let’s go back a bit. You mentioned coaches sometimes benched you. Did you ever think about leaving?
KS: It was in my head. I wondered why I made the team just for them to sit me. My mom really put it in my head that it shouldn’t matter. She told me to show them that I can be better than whoever was on the court.
TGI: What are your plans after high school?
KS: I want to be a vet tech. I really love animals. There is on-the-job training and online classes at a vet clinic in Kapaa. I’m planning on doing that because that’s what I’m doing my senior project on. Hopefully, that helps me get a foot in the door.
TGI: Have other girls going through teen pregnancy approached you for advice?
KS: A lot of people come up to me about motherhood. They would ask me if I was scared, if I thought about abortion, stuff like that. I’d tell them how much my son changed my life. Some of them actually took it in and went on to have their child. It made me feel good. I feel like I saved a child’s life. It’s not bad having a child.
When people approach me for advice, it makes me feel like an adult. In a way, I feel like I’m an influence. It’s new to them and I’ve gone through it. People ask about my pregnancy and how bad the labor was because they’re all scared.
They would talk to me about cravings and how to change diapers. I can’t answer everything, but I try my best.
TGI: It sounds like you, your boyfriend and your family have this handled. Are some things still hard?
KS: No. We’re pretty much on the same page. If I need him to watch our son, he’ll do it or he will find someone who can. We’re on the same page. Our child makes us so happy. We had our fights before him. Since we’ve had him, we barely fight.
While I was pregnant, my mom would make me watch Teen Mom on MTV. I was so scared of what I was watching. But we’re the opposite. We have our arguments, but I think our son matured us. He made us see the bigger picture.
