It could be a wonderful world

Cary Valentine loves the song “What a Wonderful World” performed by Louis Armstrong.

It describes, he says, a place he dreams about.

“I want to see that in this world, people more passionate about their life, their work, their relationship,” he said.

He believes it can happen.

“We’ve got a lot of work to do. Let’s get on with it,” Valentine says. “I want to do my part.”

His part, right now, is helping couples and singles revitalize love and passion in their lives. He wants to help them find what’s in the way of having the relationship of their dreams.

So here’s what the Princeville man and eight-year relationship coach is going to do. He is offering a free program, “Revitalize Your Love and Passion,” 6:30 p.m. Thursday at St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church in Lihue.

He’ll offer tips, tool and strategies “to quickly overcome relationship pitfalls and recapture the spirit of romance.”

He’ll share “three foolproof ways to feel more joy and pleasure in your relationship, deepening your intimacy and ending the burden of worrying about your body, jealousy and finances.”

And he’ll explain, “How to avoid the four most common problems that lead to break-up and divorce and never be afraid to have an argument again!”

Sounds like one promotional piece, right? Just a sales pitch?

You should know this about Cary Valentine. He’s been down the same road of those he hopes to help. He’s been there. He understands.

“I’ve been down the road of despair. I’ve been on the place of almost getting a divorce,” he said.

He and his wife, Wendy, struggled in their relationship for stretches, but stayed together and came out stronger. They wrote a book, “In Love Forever: 7 Secrets to a Joyous Relationship,” expected to be published soon. It was that strength that helped Valentine endure the death of his wife of 24 years, when she passed way in March 2012 of a brain tumor.

“I know what it feels like to be depressed, to be haunted by the negativity, the inner demons. I took a lot of time in my life to figure that out, and came up with really powerful systems to help people,” Valentine said.

He looks around and sees many unhappy people and says it doesn’t have to be that way.

Talking helps. Rolling up sleeves, discussing fears, worries and problems, and being honest makes all the difference, he said.

In any relationship, communication is key because the spark, the passion, the intensity, the love, can fade over time. It’s then insecurity and doubt creep in. It’s then people keep things from each other.

“The things you don’t know will hurt you,” Valentine said.

“It’s holding it back. The other person in the relationship is going to feel it. So you have to be willing to be honest, be willing to be transparent.”

Which is never easy for guys, Valentine says, smiling.

“Most of us guys, we don’t have the tools and in many cases, we’re afraid,” he said. “We know if we kind of press in, she might scream and holler at us.”

His program on Thursday could benefit those in theirs 20s to their 80s.

“It doesn’t matter your age. The issues are really the same,” he said.

 He says when the relationship starts to strain, it’s then either person needs to wake up a bit and go “What’s happened here?”

Valentine has worked with hundreds of husbands, wives and singles since becoming a relationship counselor in 2005. There is one question he likes to ask of people to get them thinking about the person they are:

“If you were to meet you tonight, would you be interested in you?”

Well, would you?

Information: (808) 346-6652,


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