Dear Cary, My husband and I have been married for 7 and a half years. Have two children, six and four. Before the kids came we had a fun, romantic life. Now, practically none.
Editor’s note: Cary Valentine, a certified relationship coach, author and wedding officiant, will be writing a column every other week for The Garden Island offering tips on relationships.
My husband and I have been married for 7 and a half years. Have two children, six and four. Before the kids came we had a fun, romantic life. Now, practically none.
We love each other and are very committed to our kids. Our sensual/sexual relationship has fizzled out because we are too tired and busy from working and caring for the kids. Honestly, since I had my kids, my libido has practically disappeared.
What can I / we do to get the “honeymoon” back again?
Sue K., Kapaa
I want to give you both a “high five” for your dedication to your relationship and your kids. Your situation is very common.
Here are five tips to revitalize your love and romance.
Tip #1: Your relationship is your most important and valuable investment.
Begin to put the “relationship” as a priority before the kids, ‘cause if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!
Tip #2: Plan a secret weekend get-away. From camping to a five-star resort. Tell him what clothes he needs etc., but not where you are going. Text him daily a few days before leaving with romantic messages.
Arrange for the kids to be watched with friends. A new meaning to “friends with benefits” as you later return the favor to them. During the weekend “pillow talk” about your dreams and passions.
Create new ways to have more time for the two of you. The next secretive affair is on him to plan.
Tip #3: Get help around the house. Hire a teenager, your inexpensive personal assistant. From chores to watching the kids while you run errands or off to a Zumba class. Go to your local high school and ask for names of quality kids that you can trust to help you.
Tip #4: If your libido still needs a little lift, take some vitamins or tinctures, they work. Check with your doctor or natural health practitioner.
Tip #5: Remember to be thinking and feeling loving thoughts about yourself each day. The amount you are “lovin’ you” is equal to the love you offer your husband and vice versa. It’s vital for him to actively take steps to make sure you are happy. Why? Go back and look at the end of tip #1:)
Warm Regards, Cary
Cary Valentine is a certified relationship coach, author & wedding officiant. His passion is to assist couples, singles and families to overcome daily challenges and create a juicy life. For more info call (808) 346-6652. He welcomes your questions at: Cary@InLoveForever.tv