Teen Pregnancy: back in the day, it used to be called being pregnant out of wedlock, and it was almost always accompanied by overwhelming feelings of shame for the unlucky girl and her family. This article is not about statistics,
Teen Pregnancy: back in the day, it used to be called being pregnant out of wedlock, and it was almost always accompanied by overwhelming feelings of shame for the unlucky girl and her family. This article is not about statistics, but about this long-standing, naturally occurring event wherein a young girl succumbs to her emotions, disregarding rational thoughts warning her of the dangers and negative impacts pregnancy could have on her future. In fact, she is rarely thinking about her future at the time.
When I got pregnant at 18 , I was only three months away from high school graduation, so at least I accomplished that milestone unscathed. Back in the late 1960s, a young girl’s choices were to either marry the father of the baby or go away somewhere to have the baby and give it up for adoption.
It was unheard of to stay with your family and friends, have the baby, and keep it. Shame was a major factor for many of the decisions made surrounding unexpected pregnancy back then. I’m not sure where that deterrent went over the past forty years.
Choosing marriage was not necessarily a better choice. My husband’s mother was made to marry his father because she was seen walking around Lana‘i City holding hands with her boyfriend, who was 20 years older. Fear and shame dictated her father’s irrational decision, but that was typical then. I, myself, chose marriage at age 18, thinking I had few other real options. My parents were from the Midwest, Kansas to be exact, and I was sure their stern approach to the world would not tolerate such a breach in proper behavior from their daughter. My college education was delayed by fifteen years, but not deterred, and I’m certain my passion for teens and their parents stems from my own experiences, insights, and resulting compassion.
Today, pregnant teens have a few more choices, and I am not sure whether they complicate the situation rather than make it easier. I used to run counseling groups for a continuation high school in a small community where the typical age for teen pregnancy was 13.
This school provided a wonderful education for at-risk youth and had a special program for teen mothers and fathers and their babies. I see similar programs at high schools around Hawai‘i.
Fast forward to now, and my story includes a wonderful 41-year-old son who has brought me much joy and worry, but not one moment have I spent regretting any of my choices. But when my daughter entered adolescence, you can bet my sleepless nights and anxiety surrounding the potential for her to get pregnant were often overwhelming. Youth today have the benefit of a tremendous amount of information about why they should not participate in unprotected sex, no matter if they love each other. Yet we continue to see a rise in teen pregnancy. I do not know the answer to what we can do to reduce the number of teen pregnancies, as the motivation for having sex seems more tied to the need for love, young girls seem enamored of babies and how wonderful it must feel to be needed. Of course, nightly feeding and constant care for a baby may dim that initial glow, but young mothers tell me they believe the baby is someone who really cares for them and won’t leave them.
Here in Hawai‘i, I see many grandparents raising babies born to their daughters, and sometimes even their granddaughters. The reasons are varied, but I see so much love showered upon these young children as families rise to the challenge, determined to nurture and love these additions to their families. I know the burden is great, both financially and emotionally, to say nothing about how hard it is to keep up with the fast feet and hands of a toddler. These kupuna are our true heroes.
I am writing this article on the eve of the birth of my second grandchild, a baby boy who I am sure will bring great joy to all of our lives. My office door is covered, and I mean covered, in dazzling pictures spanning the three years of my vibrant granddaughter’s life. I wish for every child born the opportunity to be loved and cherished. Being a teen mother brings with it an immense set of issues and hurdles. One additional critical issue complicating our lives today is how drugs impact the problem of teen pregnancy, but I will save that for a future article.
• A support group of adults on Kaua’i has “stepped into the corner” for our teens to answer questions and give support to youth and their families. Please e-mail your questions and concerns facing our youth and families to LaVerne Bishop, Program Director of Hale ‘Opio, at lbishop@haleopio.org.
