So often these days, people are trying to care for their children, hold down a job and also trying to care for an aging parent or other aging relative. Here on Kaua‘i, because family (‘ohana) is so important to us,
So often these days, people are trying to care for their children, hold down a job and also trying to care for an aging parent or other aging relative. Here on Kaua‘i, because family (‘ohana) is so important to us, we perhaps ignore the signs of caregiver burnout. Of course we want to do our best by our families, but if you are stressed out, tired and starting to show health and mental problems due to shouldering too much responsibility, it is time to start thinking about yourself. You can’t provide good care to anyone if you aren’t looking after yourself, too.
The signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout can include irritability, anger, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, sleeplessness, inability to concentrate, withdrawal from friends and activities that used to be fun and other mental and physical health problems.
It can be overwhelming physically, emotionally and mentally to be looking after everyone else without taking time for yourself. So the best way of coping with all of these challenges is to look into local community resources to assist you in the multitude of caregiving tasks. The Kaua‘i Agency on Elderly Affairs has many connections to help.
You may need in-home help, a visiting nurse, home-delivered meals or perhaps adult daycare or a respite program. Become educated on the community services available. If your older loved one has a diagnosable chronic condition, find out if there is a support group specific for that medical issue and use its resources.
Ask for help from family and friends. Tell them exactly what they can do to help so that you can get a day off or a home cooked meal delivered. It is important to look after your health by eating healthily, getting out for some exercise or a walk and resting as much as possible. Having the odd night out with friends can also recharge your batteries.
Stress can cause a multitude of health problems such as high blood pressure, stomach upset, blurred vision, headaches, muscle tension, back aches, as well as changes in behavior, in appetite and irritability.
It is important to give yourself credit, not guilt. Caregiving for the elderly is one of the most difficult jobs there is and depending on the mental and health status of the elder it can be not only physically demanding but also frightening and unpredictable.
Traditionally, the major burden of the physical, emotional and social care of elderly relative has fallen to women and the tasks of tax completion and medical information keeping has fallen to male relatives. The presence of siblings does help to reduce the workload of elder care, especially if all the family lives close by. The presence of sisters lightens the load for any one caregiver the most, according to studies. Aging spouses also are a large percentage of informal caregivers. The statistics break down to about 40 percent of all care giving is done by spouses, 14 percent by husbands and 26 percent by wives.
The number of years that a married person with children might plan for caregiving is approximately 18 years for children and 20 years for elderly parents. These numbers are especially important for women as nearly 30 percent of aging people who need home care receive it from adult daughters, 26 percent from wives and 20 percent from other female relatives such as sisters, sister-in-laws or other female friends. This is compared with 10 percent homecare provided by adult sons. The greatest strain is on the “woman in the middle” who has a job, children still at home and an aging relative to provide care for. Unlike children who become more independent with age, caregiving for the impaired older relative requires more effort as time goes by. If you are in this situation, I urge you to seek assistance by calling the Kaua‘i Agency on Elderly Affairs 241-4470. They can help.
• Jane Riley, B.A., C.P.T, C.N.A, can be reached at 212-1451 or www.janerileyfitness.com
