• Editor’s note: “Spiritual leaders answer” is a weekly column inviting Kaua‘i’s religious and spiritual leaders to share their doctrine’s perspective on a suggested subject. Every Friday a topic is printed inviting a response. Submissions are edited for content and
• Editor’s note: “Spiritual leaders answer” is a weekly column inviting Kaua‘i’s religious and spiritual leaders to share their doctrine’s perspective on a suggested subject. Every Friday a topic is printed inviting a response. Submissions are edited for content and length. Thoughts or suggestions for future topics are always welcome. Next week’s topic is mercy. The topic at the end of the column is for the following week.
The Baha’is of Kaua‘i
“O ye beloved of the Lord! In this sacred dispensation, conflict and contention are in no wise permitted. Every aggressor deprives himself of God’s grace. It is incumbent upon everyone to show the utmost love, rectitude of conduct, straightforwardness and sincere kindliness unto all the peoples and kindreds of the world, be they friends or strangers. So intense must be the spirit of love and loving-kindness, that the stranger may find himself a friend, the enemy a true brother, no difference whatsoever existing between them.”
The above quote from the Baha’i writings clearly condemns conflicts and arguments. However, this does not mean that there will not be differences of opinion or misunderstandings. The Hawaiians have a traditional practice to settle differences and to make amends called “ho‘oponopono.” Ho‘oponopono is defined in the Hawaiian Dictionary as “mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance and mutual restitution and forgiveness.”
Baha’is have a similar practice called “consultation.” Consultation is a non-adversarial, decision-making method to solve problems and to encourage cooperation. Consultation seeks to build consensus in a manner that unites various points of views instead of dividing them. It encourages diversity of opinion and acts to control the struggle for power. Consultation, like ho‘oponopono, requires that the participants be courteous, sincerely interested in the view of others and have the desire to find a solution. The steps of consultation are as follows:
• Identification of the problem or problems.
• Information and facts are gathered from the widest possible range of sources.
• Participants engage in frank and candid discussions. Personal attacks and prejudicial statements are avoided. (A key rule of consultation is the concept that when an idea is put forth it no longer belongs to the presenter. All opinions and ideas are pooled for the group to consider.)
• Ideally, consultation will result in full agreement by all involved. Otherwise a majority vote is taken to bring about a conclusion.
Another important aspect of consultation is the understanding that once a decision is agreed upon, everyone will carry it out with unity. There is no minority opinion. Baha’ís believe that if a decision is a wrong one, it will become evident in its implementation — but only if everyone supports it wholeheartedly. A wrong decision can always be righted if unity is preserved and conflict avoided.
Lama Tashi Dundrup
Kaua‘i Dharma Center
The root of all conflict, war, fighting, quarreling etc. is in one’s mind. Its basis is emotionally identifying one’s perceptions, thoughts and body as who one really is. This misinterpretation of self causes one to believe they exist separately from everyone else, nature and even from their god and goddess concepts. The resulting conflicts can be pacified by six spiritual practices:
• Generosity
• Morality
• Patience
• Perseverance
• Meditative concentration
• And, most importantly, the development of wisdom that everyone and everything is interconnected and a support to one’s existence as a human being.
Therefore, all are worthy of loving kindness and compassion. This, together with the realization that all of this drama is only pictures made of light, are in one’s mind and that mind is ultimately like an empty mirror, clear and open like space. This is the bodhisattva path that leads to the end of all conflicts, buddhahood.
Pastor Wayne Patton
Anahola Baptist Church
People with different perspectives, different backgrounds and different ways of looking at things often, sadly, find themselves in conflict with each other. One of the greatest challenges of life is learning how to manage conflicts and overcome differences so as to have harmony rather than discord.
It can be done. In fact, it is not an option — it is a commandment. Romans 12:16 says: “Live in harmony with one another.” The commandment also contains the seed of a promise that God will provide the grace necessary to avoid conflict and to achieve harmony.
The question is how to iron out our differences without being burned. Conflict is responded to in three ways. The first response is to clam up — to become sullen, angry, sulking, refusing to eat, fight or talk. This only results in the problems lingering on.
The second response to conflict is even worse — to blow up. In simplest terms, this means putting each other down, calling one another names, making personal comments or insults about the other. It includes ridiculing one another and being sarcastic. Blowing up invalidates others, belittles them and attacks their self-worth. It results in hurt and continued conflict.
The third response to conflict is to wise up. Solomon states in Proverbs 12:18 that “reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” In practical terms that means to make a conscious decision to keep our anger under control, to learn to call a cease-fire, to apologize, to not let problems simmer, to remember that we do not have to say everything we think, and to be willing to agree to disagree.
We are either going to harm or harmonize. If we live in harmony with each other, we can make beautiful music in this life.
Kahu James Fung
Lihu‘e Christian Church
I learned a long time ago that conflict was not necessarily a bad thing. Actually it’s an opportunity for a deeper peace, a truer harmony and a closer sense of intimacy. The secret is how conflict is resolved. Conflict dealt with honesty, openness and a willingness to grow can be the best way for people to work through the simple fact that we all have different experiences, points of view, and have our respective strategies for achieving our different goals.
A wise man once taught me that the toughest conflicts are not the ones we argue and struggle over. It’s the ones that simmer inside, that we don’t deal with, that we don’t allow to come to the surface. They are the big tsunamis that spin off the little storms that lead to controlling, threatening or isolating behaviors. But they are only the symptoms of the deeper conflicts that we tend to keep within the secret places of our most private selves.
The opening pages of the Bible describe this deep conflict. It has to do with the disharmony and the enmity that resides in the very soul of human beings. It has to do with our inner dividedness. There’s a part of us that truly wants to act nobly and do the loving thing. And there’s another part of us that is jealous, fearful and competitive and acts in ways that are ultimately self-limiting and self-defeating.
The teachings of the Christian faith emphasize our common humanity, looking for the good in others, being patient and kind, forgiving others as we are forgiven by God, showing mercy, acting justly and emulating Jesus who modeled so clearly a life of sacrificial love. When we focus on these values we begin to be in a better place to resolve our conflicts and live in harmony as is God’s intentions for all of the peoples of the earth.
Topic for two weeks from today
• Will you speak to us on diversity?
• Spiritual lea ders are invited to e-mail responses of three to five paragraphs to afrainier@thegardenisland.com.
• Deadline each week is 5 p.m. Tuesday.