LIHU‘E — Conflict is an opportunity for growth, according to author and leadership-conference facilitator Frank Ranger. In his most recent publication, “Conflict Resolution and Mediation — Your Opportunity to Learn and Grow,” he shares practical advice and workbook exercises he’s
LIHU‘E — Conflict is an opportunity for growth, according to author and leadership-conference facilitator Frank Ranger.
In his most recent publication, “Conflict Resolution and Mediation — Your Opportunity to Learn and Grow,” he shares practical advice and workbook exercises he’s utilized for 30 years as a consultant at the corporate level.
“I’ve always believed conflict is a good thing. The only way you learn and grow is through conflict, but the secret is knowing how to deal with it,” he said.
Meet the author at a book-signing and presentation at 2 p.m. Saturday at Borders Books, Music & Movies at the Kukui Marketplace off Nawiliwili Road in Lihu‘e.
Having studied social dynamics in many settings he’s observed the interactions and relationships that determine the most successful resolutions to conflict.
“One issue that happens about 80 percent of the time in conflict is people have trouble discerning what the conflict is about. Primarily it needs to be about the what and not the who,” he said.
In a slim, 99-page volume, Ranger provides quizzes and advice to help the reader discover their conflict style.
“We all have a conflict style and few of us know about this,” he said. “We need to be aware of those styles. If you and I know what our conflict styles are we will treat one another with a little more respect.”
A lecturer, conference presenter and trainer on conflict resolution, he promotes conflict as an opportunity to better understand ourselves and others.
“Sixty percent of the messages we receive we get by what we see, not by what we hear. When walking down a hall you make 20 to 30 decisions about the person before you ever reach them,” he said.
“So when we are in a conflict situation and we see someone getting tense we can adjust our style to help get through some of this. One misnomer is that conflict is bad. Look at it as an opportunity to learn and to grow,” said Ranger.
Common styles of dealing with conflict include avoidance, accommodation, competitive, compromise and collaboration. With avoidance no one wins and in accommodation or competitive only one side wins.
“The two that get mixed up are the last two,” he said. “Compromise is satisfactory but not satisfying — we both win and we both lose. Collaborative is the most successful. We generally take one idea, dissect it and build a new one.”
Also included in the book is an emotional-intelligence self-assessment allowing readers to look at why they may not be ready to deal with conflict.
“Conflict Resolution and Mediation — Your Opportunity to Learn and Grow” reveals some obvious-yet-mostly-unnoticed attitudes, fears, frustrations, doubts and wonderments of what went wrong during a conversation, a press release states. Simple yet practical methods of skill development are presented in an easy-to-understand manner, providing opportunities to assess personal conflict styles and the reader’s temperament to deal with stress and conflict.
“It’s not about how smart you are; it’s about your emotional ability to deal with conflict,” Ranger said. “When you avoid it, it just gets bigger and bigger. Conflicts need to be dealt with immediately and then they cease to be a conflict.”
