‘BloodRayne’

If you go to Web sites like IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes in order to gauge how good or terrible a movie may be, then the 2005 vampire flick “BloodRayne” would have sent you running for the hills.

On a 10-point scale, IMDB users have given it a 2.6 rating. On Rotten Tomatoes — a site that gives each movie a 1-100 percent rating after compiling reviews from all over the world — the movie garnered a staggering 4 percent.

No, that was not a misprint. I’ll re-type: 4 percent.

Last week’s reviewed film, “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus,” grabbed a 16 percent.

“BloodRayne” was directed by German director Uwe Boll, a man who has been labeled the modern-day Ed Wood by plenty of internet message board enthusiasts.

The cast actually features some accomplished actors, though it’s not exactly star-studded. Oscar winner Ben Kingsley, who once portrayed Ghandi, was either in an extremely giving or greedy mood when he agreed to play Kagan, the most ambitious vampire in all the land, who seeks limitless power.

The main character, Rayne, a half-human, half-vampire who is on a revenge journey toward Kagan is played by Kristanna Loken of “Terminator 3.”

Supporting characters are portrayed by Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, Meat Loaf, Billy Zane and other “I’ve seen him/her somewhere before” actors.

Kingsley actually gives a pretty solid performance during his screen time and Loken is also surprisingly un-terrible in this confusing role.

Zane did the best with what he was given and the movie would have been better off with some more of his presence.

Madsen was on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. For much of his performance, I wondered whether or not he knew cameras were rolling, or if he was just quietly saying his lines to himself between takes. It felt like he was an extra who wandered on to the set and was doing his best to blend into the scenery and not get noticed, while still getting plenty of screen time.

It’s hard to figure out how Madsen can give dozens of these performances and still manage to be fantastic in Tarantino flicks.

One main problem of the movie was the complete lack of fluidity or believability in the fight sequences. I’m guessing there was a choreographer just off-camera telling the actors what to do, only they just used that first take while they were learning and moved on. Rodriguez and Loken were actually the only two that seemed comfortable fighting. All the men looked like they were battling in a pool of maple syrup.

Actually, that probably would have been much more interesting.

There is also no correlation between any of the characters and the setting, since all the clothes look basically modern and no two actors seem to be using the same accent (none of which is native to Romania, where the movie is set).

There is a ton of blood and gore, usually to a comedic degree, but more than enough to satisfy anyone with a thirst for carnage.

As bad as some of the acting was, I have to say that the movie wasn’t as completely awful as I had anticipated. Granted, it was unoriginal, predictable, poorly edited, a bit slow and has an absolutely baffling final three minutes, but there were some entertaining aspects.

I think this movie would have actually worked well as a TV show. That may have been its biggest flaw: None of it looked or felt like a movie, but it looked exactly like a successful sci-fi series on the USA network.

That fact alone doesn’t make it bad, but if you leave a feature film thinking to yourself, “That may have been decent for 30 minutes on cable,” it probably won’t be well-received by moviegoers.

Overall, the Internet smackdown was probably overblown and “BloodRayne” wasn’t the complete disaster I was expecting. Congratulations, Uwe Boll. You exceeded my expectations.

Four percent never looked so mediocre.