LaVerne Bishop – Special to The Garden Island In our lives, we have many different kinds of relationships with our friends, parents, teachers, and boyfriends/girlfriends. In any relationship both people need to compromise and work through difficult issues. However, sometimes
LaVerne Bishop – Special to The Garden Island
In our lives, we have many different kinds of relationships with our friends, parents, teachers, and boyfriends/girlfriends.
In any relationship both people need to compromise and work through difficult issues. However, sometimes a relationship may make you feel uncomfortable or even unsafe.
Keeping the following points in mind will help you figure out whether your relationship is healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy qualities
Equality: You make decisions together, like choosing what movie to see.
Honesty: You can share your feelings, thoughts, concerns, and fears with each other.
Physical Safety: You feel safe and aren’t afraid of getting hurt.
Respect: You treat your boyfriend or girlfriend like you want to be treated. You accept each other’s opinions, friends, and interests and listen to each other.
Comfort: You feel great being yourself. You’re okay with saying, “I’m sorry.”
Sexual respectfulness: You never force sexual activity or insist on doing something your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t comfortable with.
Independence: You don’t depend on the relationship to feel good about yourself. You have other friends and hobbies, and you feel you can end the relationship if you need to.
Humor: You need to have fun in the relationship! You laugh a lot together.
Unhealthy qualities
Control: One of you makes all the decisions and is very demanding, such as telling the other person what to do, wear, or who to hang out with.
Dishonesty: One of you tells lies or hides things from the other person. Or even steals the other person’s things.
Physical Abuse: One of you hits, slaps, grabs, or shoves the other on purpose.
Disrespect: One of you makes fun of the other person’s opinions, looks, etc. There’s no consideration for the other person’s feelings and thoughts.
Intimidation: One of you makes threats like “I’ll break up with you if you….” One of you might be afraid to disagree with the other person.
Sexual abuse: One of you uses pressure or force to engage in sexual activity when the other person does not want to.
Dependence: One of you thinks: “I can’t live without you.” There may be threats to do something drastic if the relationship ends.
Hostility: One of you is just plain mean.
For more information or to get help go to the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 or visit loveisrespect.org.
• Questions? A support group of adults in our Kaua’i community have “stepped into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families! Please e-mail your questions and concerns facing our youth and families today to LaVerne Bishop, Program Director of Hale ‘Opio, at lbishop@haleopio.org.
