With the holiday season in full swing and the school break just started, I wanted to take this opportunity to remind all of us to make time to enjoy our families. For some, these holidays are bittersweet. Many families are
With the holiday season in full swing and the school break just started, I wanted to take this opportunity to remind all of us to make time to enjoy our families.
For some, these holidays are bittersweet. Many families are separated from their loved ones who either live too far away to get together or they may be in the military, fighting in distant lands for our continued freedom. Or family members may be estranged due to a wide variety of reasons. I urge you to embrace those you love and let them know how much they mean to you and how important they are.
Presents are fine, but we all need to hear the words “I love you,” even those cantankerous adolescents who live in your homes. There is this wonderful book titled “Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?” which to me perfectly describes the push-pull relationship we experience everyday as parents of adolescents.
Many children and youth are in foster care during this holiday season and often may not get to visit their families. No matter what presents they receive or how much we try to make them feel welcome, these children are also thinking about their loved ones and are worried their families do not have enough — enough food, enough shelter, enough. Our Kaua‘i community opens their hearts and their arms every year with generous giving to these children and adolescents, along with many other Kaua‘i children in need. We at Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i, Inc. are always extremely grateful for each heart-felt gesture to help our foster youth have a warm and loving holiday.
The point of this article is to remind us all to express our love in words and actions as often as possible. None of us get tired of hearing those words. Many times we take for granted our family members, saving our caring actions for those outside of our family who are “more in need.” Don’t forget to tell each of your family members how much they mean to you and how special they are. The world around us has many hard lessons, as many of us are experiencing during this difficult economy. Each person in your family, no matter how old or how young, needs frequent reminders of how wonderful they are and how much you love them and why. Look for opportunities to tell them.
One of the best ways to stay connected to your children and adolescents at any time of the year is to spend time with them. I often suggest that parents regularly schedule time with each child during the week. Even 15-30 minutes per child is all it takes.
Have them make a list of things they want to do with you during that time. You get to review and approve the list, but then the child and you choose which activity to do. You could choose playing a game or taking a walk. Personally, I love to play UNO with adolescents — you can cheat and act really crazy, all as part of the game. Younger children love to either read to you or have you read to them or both.
Or you can play board games. They give you so many opportunities for interaction. What is important is the time you spend together, not really what you choose to do — possibly with the exception of watching movies, which I love. Watching movies is enjoyable, but does not include any interaction together. It seems to be the interaction that tells a person how important they are to you, that you care about them, and that you enjoy being with them.
After this holiday season is only a memory, remember to continue to look for those opportunities. For adolescents, that might be choosing a moment while you are driving them to the mall or when you are together eating hamburgers and fries. My stepson would only eat drive-thru fast food, so I had to be really creative when I looked for moments to talk to him and stay connected. It takes intent and effort to make those positive connections with your spouse, children, and adolescents, but it is so worth it.
It is those loving connections that will remind them they are loved, no matter what.
• Questions? A support group of adults in our Kaua’i community have “stepped into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families. E-mail your questions and concerns facing our youth and families today to LaVerne Bishop, program director of Hale ‘Opio, at lbishop@haleopio.org.
