Marijuana Laws: In a directive with far-reaching political and legal implications, the Justice Department said that people who use marijuana for medical purposes and those who distribute it to them should not face federal prosecution, provided they act according to
Marijuana Laws: In a directive with far-reaching political and legal implications, the Justice Department said that people who use marijuana for medical purposes and those who distribute it to them should not face federal prosecution, provided they act according to state law. In related news, the Obama Administration announced its decision to nominate Woody Harrelson for Secretary of Agriculture.
Nobel Endeavor: Now that Barack Obama has won the Nobel Prize, supporters are now hopeful that the Nobel Committee will one day recognize the heroic efforts of Dr. Truman C. Higgenbottom, a cardiologist who’s dedicated his life to eradicating heart defects in artichokes.
Praying Mantis: I was over at a friend’s house the other day when I came across what looked like a praying mantis who, oddly enough, never seemed to assume the praying position. I wondered what’s up with that and then it occurred to me, this one’s an agnostic.
Happy Halloween: For several days neighbors observed the lifeless body of a Marina Del Rey man who had committed suicide by shooting himself in the eye slumped over on his patio, but assumed it was part of a Halloween display. Of course these were the same neighbors who assumed that a cross burning last spring in front of a nearby African-American church was part of their Easter celebration.
Chapter Eleven: Ran into an old friend of mine the other day and asked him what he’s been up to. He told me he’s now moving into Chapter 11. I told him I’m really sorry to hear that. He said, “Oh, not financially, just in the book I’m reading.”
Walk a Mile in My Shoes: A Columbus, Ohio man is reporting that his car broke down and that he had to walk the entire way to an appointment at his podiatrist’s office.
Personal Fouls: NFL officials say they are disturbed by the alarming amount of personal fouls committed in the league this year. However, some psychologists point out that its much nicer to commit a personal foul than an impersonal one.
Hair for Sale: A clump of hair believed to have been trimmed from Elvis Presley’s head has sold for $15,000 at a Chicago auction house. Wow! That’s a lot of money for a clump of hair! At that rate of return, we could retire the entire national debt just by cutting a small strip off Robin Williams’ back.
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com.
