Johnny Robish – Special to The Garden Island Dinner halted: Sheriff’s deputies broke up a steak dinner fundraiser at First Christian Church in Canton, Ohio, after authorities claimed the church failed to get the proper permits to serve food. Guess
Johnny Robish – Special to The Garden Island
Dinner halted: Sheriff’s deputies broke up a steak dinner fundraiser at First Christian Church in Canton, Ohio, after authorities claimed the church failed to get the proper permits to serve food. Guess that must have fell under the separation of church and steak.
A medium: Went out with a girl over the weekend who claimed that she was a medium. I said, “I’m sorry but I just don’t buy that medium junk. You look more like an extra-large to me.”
Sex tape: An aide to former presidential candidate John Edwards claims that the ex-senator and his former mistress once made a sex tape. The way I look at it is, if a presidential candidate must make a sex tape, let’s just be grateful that it wasn’t John McCain.
Erasing bad memories: In a recent issue of Nature Neuroscience, researchers say they believe they’ve discovered a substance that could help erase bad memories in humans. Scientists say that while all tests aren’t yet complete, they have identified the substance as a brown liquid and that it appears to say Jack Daniels on the label.
NFL forgetfulness: A study commissioned by the National Football League reports that Alzheimer’s disease or similar memory-related diseases appear in NFL players at 19 times the normal rate for men their age. Frightening stats, unless you’re a former member of the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-14) who consider this welcome news.
Late Show blackmail plot: David Letterman has publicly acknowledged that he has had sexual relationships with female staffers on his show and that someone has tried to extort $2 million from him to keep the affairs from going public. This, of course, is in stark contrast to my life, where most of the women I’ve had relations with would probably be willing to pay me not to mention it.
This town stinks: The tiny town of Bridgewater, S.D., is suing to recover cleanup costs from a company that abandoned a local meat plant, leaving behind what is being described as an almost unimaginable stink from 44 tons of rotted bison meat. Guess you could consider the cleanup cost sort of a “buffalo bill.”
Body shape: A new study says that “pear shaped” women have a significantly higher risk of asthma. Because of this, doctors now caution women who desire that their bodies be shaped like a type of fruit, make sure you choose your fruit wisely. In a related study, people who have “turkey neck” were found to be more likely to attend Thanksgiving dinner than those with “cauliflower ear.”
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com.
