Tuesday, May 17, 2022 |
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Johnny Robish – Special to the Garden Island
Horsing Around: A South Carolina man has been arrested and charged with “buggery” after he was captured on a surveillance video having sex with a horse. Sort of makes you long for the good old days when South Carolinians were simply marrying their cousins. Neighbors, who are familiar with the horse, while not condoning the man’s actions, did confirm, however, that it is quite an attractive horse. Humane Society workers report the horse should be fine if it can be placed back in a “stable” environment.
Against Evolution: The superintendent of the Warren, Ark., school district says he is so against the teaching of evolution that he would personally like to rip all the pages that refer to evolution out of school text books. And he promises to do just that just as soon as he figures out how to use his thumbs.
Pulp Fiction: Bought some orange juice at the market that was supposed to be “pulp-free.” When I poured it into a glass, it was full of pulp. I’m thinking “what’s this? Pulp Fiction?”
Business as Usual for New Jersey: Forty-four people, including three New Jersey mayors, two state assemblymen, several city councilmen and five rabbis have been arrested after being caught in a sting operation, accused of taking bribes, laundering money and trafficking in human organs. The problem has gotten so bad, state officials are considering appointing Rod Blagojevich governor, just to clean up the state’s image.
Moving in with Parents: Sociologists point to a new trend of adult children moving back in with their parents because of the poor economy. I have a friend who lost his job and was considering moving in with his parents, but decided it would be too much of a hassle because they’re both dead.
Telling Documentary: Watched a WW II documentary last night on the History Channel. I don’t know about you, but I get a little nervous when they start numbering world wars. Makes me think that they may be planning a sequel.
Wife Charged with Abuse: The wife of a prominent New Jersey neurologist has been charged with domestic abuse. When questioned by police, she said “he was getting on my nerves.”
Salt on a Slug: Three Fresno, California high school students were suspended from school after being caught pouring salt on a couple of slugs while on the school campus. The students claimed that they only did so after seeing the slugs pouring salt on people with high blood pressure.
• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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