I’m going to spare everyone and not talk about how badly Hawai‘i lost to Florida yesterday. But I will say, at least, that Florida was most likely Hawai‘i’s toughest competitor this year and the worst is over.
With that said, I have great news in that this week I saw Tiger Woods playing golf.
It was fantastic. He missed his first putt when it caught just the edge of the cup and kept rolling. But he saved par and won the whole. It was great. He should make more appearances.
Relax, sports fans. He wasn’t on-island and I didn’t see him on a golf course. It was electronic golf.
Woods was on one of my all-time favorite talk shows, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” promoting the new game “Tiger Woods PGA Tour ’09.”
It took me a second to figure out, why of all the shows, Woods would pick Conan O’Brien, but I figured that O’Brien’s target audience is college kids, who happen to be the same audience for video games. It makes sense, and Woods was really funny.
O’Brien gave Woods an elaborate introduction, revisiting his dramatic playoff win over Rocco Mediate at the U.S. Open, and when the two sat down to talk about it, O’Brien played a clip of Woods swinging a club.
“I want to show this moment. This is you playing in pain. I can only imagine what that feels like. Do you know what exactly is causing the pain at that moment?” O’Brien asks.
And Woods gave the funniest answer that made me think he isn’t just the best golfer in the world, but possibly also the most humorous.
“Was it the ligament?”
In one word: Woods said: “Constipation.”
The audience burst into laughter.
“I got him on that one,” Woods said.
Yes, you did. You got all of us.
I thought Woody Austin was funny when he donned a snorkeling mask on the golf course the day after he took a dive in the water hazard at the President’s Cup. (I still crack up when I see that video clip.)
He was just joking, but he seemed so relaxed and personable, which is probably why he has a lot of fans. He has great comic timing, too.
He shared another funny story about his 14-month-old daughter, Sam. Apparently she loves to carry around one of his wedges. He said when he tries to take it out of her hands, she just starts screaming and crying.
“She was watching a little bit of a tournament on TV and she starts turning like this, like she’s actually trying to imitate what she’s seeing,” he said. “And then she put a golf club in her hand and we’re thinking maybe this is the beginning, maybe not and then she picked it up and walked over to the dog and tried to hit the dog.”
I just felt like I was in the living room watching his daughter do it. It was great.
Later in the show, O’Brien busts out the game and challenges him to a duel.
And it was so funny to see how seriously Woods took his drive. It was though, nice to see something catch Woods offguard. When O’Brien’s character came out pale-looking and in a kilt, you could tell Woods not expecting that and he was laughing so hard he had to cover his mouth.
Woods won the hole and said, “Does that mean I won? I thought you were undefeated.”
To that, O’Brien banished him from ever being on the show ever again, jokingly of course.
And then Woods left and the world was dark again. O’Brien at one time in the interview pointed out that TV ratings for the tournaments have gone down and that he should at least drive by in the background and wave to the camera. He should totally do that.
I play golf on Wii and don’t need Woods’ game, but just because it’s him, I want it.
When O’Brien asked him if he knows when he’ll be back on the course, Woods just said, “In the future.” I thought they were going to prolong the bit and someone was going to say, “The future Conan?” (The year 2000 bit.)
But do something to get back out, Tiger.
We want you on that course.
We need you on that course. We miss you Tiger Woods. Get well soon. Or at least do more talk shows.
• Lanaly Cabalo, sports editor, can be reached at 245-3681 (ext. 237) or firstname.lastname@example.org