Recently there have been a number of car issues at Teen Court. One respondent got angry at a rude driver who called him out. He didn’t fight; he waited until the driver was in a store and keyed the tailgate
Recently there have been a number of car issues at Teen Court.
One respondent got angry at a rude driver who called him out. He didn’t fight; he waited until the driver was in a store and keyed the tailgate of his truck. So far we have received two estimates to paint over the keying: One body shop said $516, and the other said $563.
To make it right, the respondent will have to pay to have it fixed. We are looking for one more estimate.
In another case, a young man was angry because a person who said he would give him a ride waited until he got his stuff, and then drove off laughing in front of his friends. That young man also keyed the driver’s car, and the costs were more than $1,500. That’s enough to buy a drivable island car!
Most of us would agree that it was an unkind thing for the drivers to do. But who got hurt worse? The drivers who have a new paint job, or my friend?
We agree that we all deserve respect and that the drivers acted disrespectfully. But did keying the cars actually get the respondents what they wanted, which was more respect?
No. In a sense, they victimized themselves because they are the ones who have to work extra hard to pay these costs. What can be done to meet such needs? In the first case the respondent was with three other young men. We discussed that maybe he could have talked to the driver respectfully with his friends behind him. We think the driver would have listened. If there is no name calling, threatening, or provoking for a fight, you are within the law. In some cases calling a person out to fight is considered harassment. If the driver responded by calling the boys out or swearing, they could have called the police.
In the second case, there is just no excuse for meanness. If you read last week’s article, we know that unless that driver changes who he is, he will be treated with meanness by someone else. That may not be satisfying enough for the victim, but think of this: The friends he was with also witnessed this meanness and saw my young friend being treated disrespectfully. Remove the peer pressure and it might never have happened.
So what can he do? He can forgive it, knowing in his own heart that he shouldn’t have been treated that way. Massive amounts of research are proving that when people hold a grudge, it hurts them physically over time. It just isn’t worth it.
Unfortunately, I can guarantee that during a lifetime people will treat you unkindly out of their own ignorance, or because of prejudice, or from faulty learning. Know that you are the bigger person inside, and think, “I can forgive that.” Consider how you will approach that person the next time you see him or her. A genuine smile might confuse the enemy! Bullies tend to forget the mean things they do sooner than their victims.
On the subject of attitude, research has proven that gratitude helps build healthy immune systems, which helps us resist not only infections, but cancer and other conditions as well.
Due to trillions of dollars of advertising, the majority of people feel that they don’t have enough or aren’t beautiful or good enough.
What do people need more than anything else? Love. And everyone has a heart that is capable of loving limitlessly. So those who give of their love generously are the richest. Those who just share it with a few are not as rich, even if their bank accounts are fat. Appreciating others is a great way to give love. Start with yourself.
Here are a few gratitude quotes:
• Albert Schweitzer: At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
• William James: The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.
• Meister Eckhart: If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “Thank You,” that would suffice.
• Buddha: Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die: So, let us all be thankful.
• H.J. Westermayer: The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
May you all have plenty to be grateful for.
• Annaleah Atkinson is the Teen Court manager for Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i. She can be reached at aatkinson@haleopio.org, or Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i Inc., 2959 Umi St., Lihu‘e, HI 96766.
