Screaming, yelling, accusations. Insults hurled like objects into the street. Emotions escalating. These are among the descriptions that witnesses — many of them children, but some elderly, some male — see unfold before tensions mount and escalate to violence, according
Screaming, yelling, accusations. Insults hurled like objects into the street. Emotions escalating.
These are among the descriptions that witnesses — many of them children, but some elderly, some male — see unfold before tensions mount and escalate to violence, according to National Coalition Against Domestic Violence testimonies.
Of the dozen or so cases of family abuse that happen on Kaua‘i on a weekly basis, police reports and court documents show many begin with a simple misunderstanding. Others, however, stem from drugs and alcohol, or the less obvious mind-altering influences — stress, exhaustion and a lack of communication.
Though at times residents might be hesitant to seek help for others, or, much less, “call in” a friend or relative to the police, Dennis Mendonca, director of the Alternatives to Violence Program with the YWCA, said there is a bigger risk at stake than being judged by fellow community members.
“When children see parents disrespecting each other, it’s confusing to them,” he said. “They begin to think that’s what is normal, that it’s OK to mistreat those you love.”
And for those parents out there who think that fighting out of the line of sight of children is an acceptable alternative, Mendonca said such is not the case.
“There was a father I remember telling me that when he fights with his wife, he has his kid go to the bedroom. That’s still abuse,” he said.
The reason?
“Children are like sponges. They hear what’s going on. Adults are supposed to be their safety mechanism that they can help control; and when that mechanism is failing, they feel it’s their fault,” he said.
Allowing a child to witness or almost witness such a relationship ensures a 60 percent chance that child will in turn be in that sort of relationship as an adult, he added.
“Think twice. If you’re concerned about the safety of your child, remember that when a child witnesses violence, it’s as if the violence happened to him.”
So just what is abuse?
Among other things, “Fighting is abuse,” Mendonca said. “From a legal standpoint, any type of physical abuse is illegal — even threats.”
It also includes emotional abuse — name calling, bringing up the past, and using threatening gestures, he said.
Though Mendonca said he’s seen a small decrease in the number of domestic abusers over the past five years — about 5 percent — the only way to keep that downward trend continuing is by community members speaking up, he said.
“Don’t hesitate to call police,” he said. “This can lead to their partner getting help. No one should have to subject themselves to abusive behavior.”
Of the 183 incidents of domestic violence processed by the Prosecuting Attorney’s Office between May 1, 2006 and Oct. 31, 2006, 125, or 68 percent, yielded arrests, according to a report created for County Council review.
Of those 183 incidents, 92 were declined prosecution and 81 were charged in family court, Craig De Costa, prosecuting attorney, said.
Four of those cases were forwarded to district court and one was sent back to the Kaua‘i Police Department. The remaining five were pending screening at the completion of the report.
The most recent data show that between Nov. 1, 2006 and April 30 of this year, 160 domestic violence incidents that were considered prosecutable, 116, or 73 percent, yielded arrests and 44, or 27 percent, did not.
Some 20 of those cases were pending screening at the time of the report and 78 were charged in family court.
Some 38 of the cases were screened and declined prosecution, the report states.
Despite what some residents might have heard or even experienced, when police are called to a domestic abuse case, the officer does not have to have witnessed the altercation to make an arrest, Assistant Chief Roy Asher said, adding that the chances of the case not making it all the way through the court system “isn’t the business we’re in.”
“The officer is there to protect the victim,” he said.
For additional assistance a person can call a violence coordinator, at 241-1695. Other advocates for additional help can be reached at 245-3632. For sexual assaults, call 245-4144.
