Did you ever stop to think that if God is love, and nationally we proclaim, “In God We Trust,” then we can logically deduce, “In Love We Trust?” We all know stories about how love helped someone miraculously heal from
Did you ever stop to think that if God is love, and nationally we proclaim, “In God
We Trust,” then we can logically deduce, “In Love We Trust?”
We all know stories about how love helped someone miraculously heal from a terminal illness or accident. We’ve all observed how mommy’s kiss can really make a boo boo better.
Inside, we all want to believe that we can trust Love, and that it will make things better.
The Parent Project, which is adjudicated for parents having difficulty with their teens, requires parents tell their children each day that they love them.
That’s pretty hard when children are in the parents’ faces, being disrespectful. But parents do it anyway.
Love is limitless, you’ll never run out.
It might not be emotionally satisfying at first, but it gives the children the understanding that someone can be angry with you, but still love you.
Anger comes from thoughts. Love comes from the heart.
Unfortunately, what passes for love sometimes isn’t truly love. The love that says, “I love you so much I don’t want you to see anyone else,” is petty and selfish. Does it consider the loved one’s needs?
“If you loved me you’d do ‘xyz’ for me,” is again, manipulative and selfish.
A person can love another and still not choose to do something if it against their values or needs. It took me a long time to learn to say, “No, I’m sorry. I can’t do that. I care for you, and support you, but I’m unable to do that at this time.”
Most of us are familiar with the expression “tough love.”
That’s when you call KPD because your child was truant, or ran away, or got in trouble, because you love them and want the best for them. Or you make them take the item they stole from the store back to the manager. I see it all the time, and it makes a positive difference. Kids who get away with something will nearly always try it again.
The other side of the coin is that after experiences of manipulative “love,” or not receiving from others, people begin to not trust it. Words may have been empty. Actions weren’t loving.
When I was a little girl, and I didn’t get something right, my mother used to say, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” I’d like to paraphrase that and say, “If at first they don’t receive, try, try again.”
Linda Chandler, a Hale ‘Opio Therapeutic Foster Home mother, gave me some information about five different ways that people receive love. Research states that the five expressions they accept are:
•Affirmations: Some people are satisfied just to hear it, and know that they matter to someone.
•Gifts: Gifts say, “I’ve been thinking of you, and here’s proof.”
•Affection: This is cuddling, kissing, hugging, touching, holding hands — not the sexuality of love: Sex can happen for those manipulative reasons.
•Quality of time: This says, “You matter enough for me to take space out of my day to celebrate being with you. I’m glad you’re in my life.”
•Acts of service: This says, “You matter enough for me to take time out of my life to help you get your needs met. I want you to be happy.”
I certainly hope that you’ll conduct your own research on this. You might find that it is so much more fulfilling expressing the goodness of life, that you don’t want to hurt anyone.
Happy first day of school. Remember that first impressions are important. What message do you want to give to your new teachers and classmates? It can take up to 40 times for a person to see you to change a first impression if it was wrong.
Several adults have “stepped into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support in the boxing ring of life. They are Catherine Stovall, community response specialist, county of Kaua’i; Edmund Acoba, public defender; Craig DeCosta, county prosecuting attorney; Officer Paul Applegate, Kaua’i Police Department; Daniel Hamada, superintendent of schools; Jill Yoshimatsu, director of the DOE Mokihana program; and Annaleah Atkinson, Teen Court Manager for Hale ‘Opio Kaua’i.
If you have something to share with Kaua‘i teens, or need to ask a question, contact Annaleah with the information below and she will field it to the person who can best help with the answer.
• Annaleah Atkinson is the Teen Court manager for Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i. She can be reached at aatkinson@haleopio.org, or Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i Inc., 2959 Umi St., Lihu‘e, HI 96766.
