Kaua’i residents Melody Kanahele and Melva Arakaki come from different backgrounds and different parts of the island. But both women say they have been able to forge the family lives they’ve always wanted because of Nana’s House, a west Kaua’i
Kaua’i residents Melody Kanahele and Melva Arakaki come from different backgrounds and different parts of the island.
But both women say they have been able to forge the family lives they’ve always wanted because of Nana’s House, a west Kaua’i project whose primary focus is helping families work out problems and remain unified.
Kanahele, an Ele’ele resident and victim of abuse as a youngster, said she knew only to shout and hit her children to discipline them. Because of parenting classes and her continual interaction with Nana’s House, Kanahele said she can now talk with her children “who truly love me.”
Arakaki’s family fell apart because of domestic abuse that followed Hurricane Iniki in 1992. But after four years of counseling at Nana’s House and remarrying, Arakaki said she has achieved harmony in her family.
Kanahele and Arakaki join several hundred other families from Mana to Koloa who have gone through free programs at Nana’s House to help straighten out their lives, said Nancy Golden, administrator for the program.
In the mid-1990s, Kanahele, on a referral, began taking parenting classes from Golden, then a counselor with Child Family Service.
Kanahele has remained with Nana’s House for the past five years to maintain her ties with Golden and to reinforce what she has learned.
One of five children, Kanahele, a native of Ni’ihau, said grew up in an abusive family environment. She said she was physically abused when she was naughty. As an adult, Kanahele, 34, said she disciplined her five children, who range from 5 to 14 years of age, in the same way, creating conflict and driving a wedge between them.
After a year of parenting classes with Golden, Kanahele said she transformed herself into a “kind, loving and understanding” parent who can control her temper.
“I learned how to love them and to be more accepting of them when they were disobedient,” Kanahele said. “I learned not to yell all the time.”
Instead of punishing her children, she now takes away privileges – “no television or Play Station.”
Kanahele said her children have become “respectful to others and say please, thank you and welcome.”
Because of the way they are currently raised and because they have a stronger sense of family, Kanahele said, her children will be more likely to have “good futures” and become contributing members to society.
The parenting classes also have motivated her to share with relatives and friends. Food she receives from Nana’s House is shared with homeless family members.
“I have a wonderful life. My husband works, and my children truly love me,” Kanahele said.
Arakaki said she, too, has the family life she wants now.
Stress from the impact of Hurricane Iniki in 1992 pulled her family apart, leading to domestic abuse and a divorce, she said.
Arakaki said she learned about Nana’s Houses after her first husband called the authorities, claming she was unfit to be a mother.
When the Child Protective Service intervened and suggested she get help, possibly from Nana’s House, Arakaki jumped at the chance, she said.
For the past four years, four of her five children and she have gone to counseling at Nana’s House. The other child didn’t attend because he went to college.
Arakaki has remarried, and now her new husband, one of his children and two of hers continue attending counseling sessions.
“I now have the family I always wanted,” Arakaki said. “There should be more places like Nana’s House. A lot of people with family problems could be helped.”
Staff writer Lester Chang can be reached at 245-3681 (ext. 225) and mailto:lchang@pulitzer.net
